How do I know if they’re faking an orgasm?

I think it’s safe to say we’ve all faked an orgasm before, but why? How do I know if they’re faking an orgasm? The phrase “fake it til you make it” shouldn’t apply to sex. Ever. So, why did we feel so inclined to say we did when we didn’t? In this insightful and educational blog, sexologist Dr. Marty Klein debunks why clitoris owners sometimes fake orgasms. It is an ideal read for partners of clitoris owners (and clitoris owners themselves) on why fake orgasms happen, along with partner-to-partner communication techniques and products to ensure they don’t happen. 

“How do I know if they’re faking orgasm?” is a question I receive a lot, and I am concerned when anyone asks. It suggests a breakdown in communication and probably a lack of trust, and those are both bigger issues than the orgasm itself. If that’s what’s going on, do address this.

Step one: ask. Don’t accuse; ask. Be curious. “Moreover, the question is ‘How do I know when you come?’ It’s a reasonable question if asked in a friendly way (and only once or twice, not every week).”

Reasons to fake an orgasm

Never assume a vulva owner is faking orgasm. Instead, remove the typical reasons they might do so, including:

  • *They feel pressured to come
  • *They can’t get the stimulation they need to orgasm
  • *They want a sexual session to be over, but they’re afraid to say so. Or they say so, and you insist on continuing
  • * They know how to orgasm, but you’d rather they orgasm in a different way.

Do you know how your partner has orgasms? Ask. Remember that some vulva owners climax from something in their vagina, while others (most, actually) do so from having their clitoris stimulated—whether by your hand, their hand, your mouth, or a toy.

Toys are a wonderful way for many vulva owners to climax. They’re reliable, and if their partner makes it emotionally safe, they can be a lovely way for partners to enjoy their climax together. Some partners enjoy the way vibrators can reduce the sense of responsibility they feel for a vulva owner’s orgasm. And two people talking about how to use one can enhance their intimacy along with her pleasure. 

For more information about female orgasm and vibrators that provide vaginal, clitoral, or combined stimulation, check out the wide range of toys at Velvet Box.”

  • Dr. Marty Klein is a Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist and Certified Sex Therapist in Palo Alto, CA.

No one should feel like they have to fake an orgasm, and we’re here to help. As highlighted by Dr. Klein, we proudly carry a premier selection – and, most importantly, effective – of sexpert-recommended vibrators for both vulva owners and their partners to enjoy together

Cheers to real, pleasurable orgasms, y’all!

Everyone deserves great sex, and you deserve to know what works for you. Get brave and come see us at one of our five Dallas-Fort Worth locations. We’re proud to help you.