Sex Education

Sex after Breast Cancer: Go from Surviving to Thriving

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Have you or someone you care about been diagnosed with breast cancer? Are you currently seeking treatment — or are you in recovery and feel unsure of the steps to take to get back to a “normal” sexual self-image? We asked our resident sexologist Dr. Celeste Holbrook for insight and science-backed advice on ways survivors can begin to feel sexually confident again.

Sex after Breast Cancer: Go from Surviving to Thriving

If you or anyone you care about has ever been diagnosed with breast cancer, you know how disorienting and disruptive it can be. When choosing and pursuing treatments, your focus has been on survival, and with good reason. But there is more to life than just surviving. I have worked with many women who have come through to the other side of treatment only to face difficulty getting back to their “normal” life. This is especially true when it comes to sex. Entering back into a happy, healthy sex life after breast cancer diagnosis and treatment can feel daunting. But I know from my work with my clients that there are steps you can take that will bring you from surviving to thriving — in your bedroom, and in your life.

1. Establish a positive relationship with your breasts

Work to establish a positive relationship with your breasts, which may mean understanding any negative relationship you have with your breasts. Whether you had a mastectomy, lumpectomy, radiation or reconstruction, your relationship with your breasts has changed. Take time to write down how you feel about them now. Here are some prompts to get you started: What makes you angry about them? What are you grateful for? Do you feel like they are still unknown? Do you have emotions surfacing about how they look or feel? Do you need to grieve any loss of sensation? How do you feel about your partner touching them? What communication needs to happen between you and your partner, so they know how to respect your breasts?

2. Work within your comfort zone

If you aren’t feeling entirely up for being bare-chested during sex, consider buying some fun new lingerie or an oversized button-down shirt. You can pair the shirt with your sexiest panties and leave as many (or all!) of the buttons undone as you like.

3. Create new sexual associations

Try new sensations on your breasts to create new sexual associations. If what you did before breast cancer diagnosis and treatment doesn’t feel good to you now, try to make a new pleasure association with your brain. If you experience some loss of sensation, you may want to try an arousal cream on your nipples or use a flavored lubricant for your partner to lick and kiss. (See below for recommended products and more.) 

4. Go slow and show your body compassion

Remember to go slowly, and give yourself and your body lots of compassion. It has been through significant trauma and may need some time to recover…even after your treatments are over. Be patient. Your sexy, sensual side will return. 

At Velvet Box, we are passionate about helping all individuals achieve the intimacy, connection, and excitement they deserve. Stop by one of our six DFW locations or shop online to find the products and advice you’re looking to explore.  And for more insights from our resident sexologist, please check out our on-demand sex education classes where Dr. Celeste will lead you through a wide range of topics from how to combat low libido to how to (discreetly) construct the sexy bedroom of your wildest dreams.

Recommended products and classes

Nipple Nibblers Tingle Balm

Add a touch of Nipple Nibblers Wicked Watermelon Tingle Balm to increase sensation on the nipples. The kissable formula provides a tasty and playful twist for enhanced arousal for both parties!

Intimate Earth Flavored Lubricant

Allow your partner to kiss and lick you all over by adding a dollop of Intimate Earth Cheeky Apples Flavored Lubricant anywhere you want to feel an exciting touch. This staff favorite is made with all-natural apple flavors and organic stevia for a delicious taste and texture.

Womanizer Liberty

The perfect companion (and it’s cute too!). Made for you and your body, the Womanizer Liberty stimulates the clitoris with no direct contact. Gentle air vibrations suck and massage together at the same time to provide an unprecedented orgasmic feeling.

DONA Kissable Massage Oil

Sit back and enjoy a sensual massage with DONA Kissable Massage Oil. This aphrodisiac and pheromone-infused oil will trigger intense tactile sensations that release stress to help you relax, plus it’s just plain sexy. Non-greasy and sweet dessert for your masseuse, too!

Ignite Arousal: Combating Low Libido

This one-hour course discusses and explores the most common sexual complaint of people in long-term relationships—low libido. Learn the culprits and discover the solutions to create a sex life that feels effortless, connective, and pleasurable. Click here to view.

Build a Sexy Bedroom

In this class, you’ll learn how to craft a bedroom retreat that invites erotic play, while leaving stress and the burdens of responsibility firmly on the other side of the door. Click here to view.

Is your to-do list killing your sex life?

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Picture this: you’re in bed with your significant other, things are getting hot and heavy, and the moment you are about to have sex, your long to-do list flashes through your mind, or you spy the dirty laundry on the floor you meant to do last week. Next thing you know, sex isn’t even on your mind anymore. Sound familiar? Your to-do list might be killing your sex life!

Several life factors can contribute to low libido, and responsibility is at the very top of the list. Having work, family, and household chores top of mind is not the golden ticket to getting in the mood for sex. Here, our resident sexologist Dr. Celeste Holbrook shares science-backed insight on why resolving your responsibilities outside of the bedroom can lead to increased libido, as well as a list of action items you can do to help you get there. 

Is your to-do list killing your sex life?

Did you know responsibility is the greatest killer of arousal? That means, when you are thinking about your work contracts, the laundry, or that call to your mother, your brain will find it difficult to focus on getting in the mood for sex. If you think about it, pleasure is the opposite of responsibility. Pleasure is a healthy sense of irresponsibility. Pleasure doesn’t outright have a purpose other than pleasure…and that can feel frivolous. But that helps us see how removing responsibilities from your thoughts is one of the ways you can step into your pleasure. It’s easier said than done, so here is a list of ways to prevent your to-do list from killing your sex life.

Ways to Prioritize Your Sex Life

1. Create a sexy, serene bedroom by removing the computer, bins of laundry, and pics of your kids from your nightstand.

2. Make sure your toys are charged and cleaned after every use, so you know they are good to go and you aren’t worried about them dying mid-orgasm.

3. Communicate with your partner earlier in the day about what is on your mind. Talk about what is making you anxious, frustrated or excited about the upcoming days or weeks and then resolve to leave those thoughts outside of your bedroom door during sex.

4. If you have kids, take some time to separate from the responsibility of caregiving by going for a walk, taking a bath or letting your partner put them to bed while you go to dinner on your own. 

5. Practice pleasure in other ways. Have an impromptu dance party in the mirror. Indulge in your favorite scent. Put your feet in the grass and look up at the clouds for a full 5 minutes.  Practicing pleasure in more accessible ways can help you step into pleasure in your bedroom.

  • Dr. Celeste Holbrook

At Velvet Box, it is our passion to help individuals just like you to achieve the intimacy and connection you deserve. While you work your way through this list, treat yourself to one of our webinars, communication tools, and or vibes to help you along the way. 

Go from To-Do to To-Daaaaang

  1. Need assistance creating a sexy bedroom? Our recent webinar, Build a Sexy Bedroom is available for on-demand purchase.
  2. Sex toys can bring more than just good vibes. Add a bit of vibration or air pulse technology, and you can experience more orgasms, even during penetrative sex. Treat yourself to a new vibe from our Expert Picks selection!
  3. Communication is lubrication. If you need extra guidance when talking to your partner, check out one of our many Communication Tools to get you started. 
  4. While your partner is taking care of the kids, get in the mood during your time alone with some lingerie. When you feel sexy, sex feels sexy.

View our full class catalog here and our online store here.

About Dr. Celeste Holbrook

Many of you may know our resident sexologist, Dr. Celeste Holbrook. Whether it’s through one or many of our intimacy classes with her, or perhaps you’ve been following her incredible Instagram all along (if not, we highly recommend you give her a follow). But for those who may not know her yet, Dr. Holbrook is a sexologist, speaker, and author who has dedicated her life to helping women achieve soul-centered sex through perfectly planned mental and behavioral changes. Learn more about Celeste and her journey as a sexologist on her website at drcelesteholbrook.com.

5 Ways Sex Toys Enhance Partnered Sex

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Introducing 5 Ways Sex Toys Enhance Partnered Sex, a guest blog by our resident sexologist Dr. Celeste Holbrook.

“But my penis can’t vibrate…will she prefer that instead of me?” 

This was a response from a client when I suggested they try looking into a clitoral vibrator to enhance their sexual experiences. The “replacement theory” is a myth that a sex toy could somehow replace a partner in sex, an idea that worries many.  So I’d like to put this lie to rest by giving you five thrilling (and science-backed) ways that sex toys actually enhance partnered sex…not replace it!

1. Many vulva-owners enjoy clitoral stimulation and its ability to make them come. Add a bit of vibration or air pulse technology and you are experiencing more orgasms even during penetrative sex. 

2. Masturbation is a beautiful and effective way to learn what you like, and in turn, communicate that to your partner. Whether you use a vibrator, a butt plug, or a masturbator sleeve, learning what you love will ultimately help you communicate your needs during partnered sex. And great communication leads to amazing sex. 

3. Psychologically, we adore seeing our partners experience pleasure. This is called “compersion” and is the opposite of jealousy. It’s rarely talked about as one of the greatest joys of sex. Simply watching your partner confidently get off with their vibe can bring you closer and make the sexual experience 10x hotter and more pleasurable.

4. Novelty is the fuel of arousal. Remember when you are in a new relationship, how arousing it is to be around your partner? That is the power of novelty. Now that you have been together for a decade and you intimately know the sound of their chewing, finding new options in sex becomes an important key to keeping arousal hot. So why not sign up for a sexy shopping trip to check out the latest lingerie or restraints? You’ll be feeling that new relationship energy in no time!

5. If you both have the same genitalia, experience mobility issues or are simply bored with your usual missionary position, sex toys can give you the opportunity to experience different and/ or more accessible types of stimulation. A win for you and your partner!

Bottom line: embrace sex toys as companions on your road to fulfilling sexual experiences with your partner.

At Velvet Box, we offer a wide range of resources with Celeste including our on-demand class catalog, as well as our vast stock of sex toys and intimacy products that will guide you to the sexual fulfillment you’re yearning for. From our most recent webinar Vibe With Your Partner: Introducing Toys into the Bedroom to Sex Toys 101, and more, browse our on-demand catalog today and receive a curated list of products and toys with each class! There is truly something for everyone out there, so be brave, and start exploring. 

View our full class catalog here and our online store here.

About Dr. Celeste Holbrook

Many of you may know our resident sexologist, Dr. Celeste Holbrook. Whether it’s through one or many of our intimacy classes with her, or perhaps you’ve been following her incredible Instagram all along (if not, we highly recommend you give her a follow). But for those who may not know her yet, Dr. Holbrook is a sexologist, speaker, and author who has dedicated her life to helping women achieve soul-centered sex through perfectly planned mental and behavioral changes. Learn more about Celeste and her journey as a sexologist on her website at drcelesteholbrook.com.

How do I know if they’re faking an orgasm?

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I think it’s safe to say we’ve all faked an orgasm before, but why? The phrase “fake it til you make it” shouldn’t apply to sex. Ever. So, why did we feel so inclined to say we did when we didn’t? In this insightful and educational blog, sexologist Dr. Marty Klein debunks why clitoris owners sometimes fake orgasms. It is an ideal read for partners of clitoris owners (and clitoris owners themselves) on why fake orgasms happen, along with partner-to-partner communication techniques and products to ensure they don’t happen. 

“How do I know if they’re faking orgasm?” is a question I receive a lot, and I am concerned when anyone asks. It suggests a breakdown in communication and probably a lack of trust, and those are both bigger issues than the orgasm itself. If that’s what’s going on, do address this.

Step one: ask. Don’t accuse; ask. Be curious. The question, by the way, is “How do I know when you come?” It’s a reasonable question if asked in a friendly way (and only once or twice, not every week).

Never assume a vulva owner is faking orgasm. Instead, remove the typical reasons they might do so, including:

  • *They feel pressured to come
  • *They can’t get the stimulation they need to orgasm
  • *They want a sexual session to be over, but they’re afraid to say so. Or they say so, and you insist on continuing
  • * They know how to orgasm, but you’d rather they orgasm in a different way.

Do you know how your partner has orgasms? Ask. Remember that some vulva owners climax from something in their vagina, while others (most, actually) do so from having their clitoris stimulated—whether by your hand, their hand, your mouth, or a toy.

Toys are a wonderful way for many vulva owners to climax. They’re reliable, and if their partner makes it emotionally safe, they can be a lovely way for partners to enjoy their climax together. Some partners enjoy the way vibrators can reduce the sense of responsibility they feel for a vulva owner’s orgasm. And two people talking about how to use one can enhance their intimacy along with her pleasure. 

For more information about female orgasm and vibrators that provide vaginal, clitoral, or combined stimulation, check out the wide range of toys at Velvet Box.”

  • Dr. Marty Klein is a Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist and Certified Sex Therapist in Palo Alto, CA.

No one should feel like they have to fake an orgasm, and we’re here to help. As Dr. Klein said, we carry a premiere – and most importantly effective – stock of sexpert recommended vibrators for both vulva owner and their partners to enjoy together. 

Cheers to real, pleasurable orgasms, y’all!

Everyone deserves great sex, and you deserve to know what works for you. Get brave and come see us at one of our five Dallas-Fort Worth locations. We’re proud to help you.

Is their vibrator replacing you?

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The age of the vibrator is very much here, and it doesn’t look like it’s going anywhere (thank goodness!). Vibrators are effective in reaching an orgasm, but with their rise in popularity, there are some aspects to consider regarding vibrators’ impact on couples’ sex lives. To get more insight on the matter, we asked sexologist Dr. Marty Klein the question many of you might be wondering – Is their vibrator replacing you?

“In a word, no. Here are some of the things you can do that the vibrator can’t:

Hug. Kiss. Tease. Care. For most people, those are very important parts of sex.

You have infinite ways of touching them and discovering new ways to do so. A toy can never match your software—you’re patient, encouraging, accepting, light-hearted. That’s what makes sex, um, sexy. If you doubt it, ask them.

As with so much of technology, the right hardware enhances our experience, rather than replacing one of us. So why not take advantage of a toy? It adds to your couples’ experience by providing stimulation at the right intensity and speed—without tiring out your fingers, hand, or arm. Or theirs. It gives them control of that stimulation—you’re not concerned about that, I hope—which can relieve any concerns either of you has about her climaxing.

And the right vibrator will enhance their private pleasure, too. The typical result? More interest in partner sex, presumably with you.

Velvet Box has a wide range of vibrators that are easy to hold, fun to use, and add to the sexual experience. They even carry couples-oriented toys that you can use together, providing a special zing for you, too.

If your partner uses a vibrator, either by themselves or with you, that suggests they take their pleasure and sexual intimacy seriously, which should delight you. Ask them any questions you have about it, including “If you have one of those, what do you need me for?” I bet they’ll be glad to tell you. 

Have them give you a tour of how their favorite toy works—including how they use it when they’re alone, which may give you a few new ideas. Make sure you get your eyes right down where the action is, and make sure there’s some light in the room so you can see what’s what. 

And remember—while vibrators are great for providing orgasms, orgasms are not the most important part of sex. Right?”

  • Dr. Marty Klein is a Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist and Certified Sex Therapist in Palo Alto, CA.

Sex toys are meant to enhance sex, rather than replace it, and we believe in providing individuals and partners with products that enhance intimacy and connection without isolation. Just like shopping for clothes, it’s not one size fits all! Come in and see us and explore your options – together.

Everyone deserves great sex, and you deserve to know what works for you. Get brave and come see us at one of our five Dallas-Fort Worth locations. We’re proud to help you.

New sex ed and intimacy classes coming soon!

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At Velvet Box, we pride ourselves on providing incredible sexual education resources for individuals from every generation to grow in intimate connection and learn about their sexuality and needs in a safe, fun, and educational way. That’s why we’re back with new live classes for you, your partner, and others to learn about informative topics from the comfort of your own home.

Our most recent live class, Everything P0rn Didn’t Teach You was a hit, and we’re excited to share that we have more coming your way! Mark your calendars for our informative lineup of classes debuting on the second Tuesday of each month.

Note: Each participant’s name and identity are anonymous when joining the class.

April 12th – Your First Time – Click Here to Register

Nervous about having sex for the first time? You aren’t alone!  Most of us aren’t given a type of sexual education that helps us navigate pleasure and communication in our first sexual experience. Join this webinar to discover what to expect and how to be an advocate for your own pleasure from day one.

In this class, participants will:

1. Explore how to create a sexual ethic that can help you make sexual choices perfectly suited to you.

2. Discover what to expect your first time having sex.

3. Learn about and practice consent. 

May 10th – Raising Sexually Healthy Kids

Many of us want to give our kids more helpful sex education than we received from our parents…but where do you start?  Join our webinar to discover the small but meaningful steps you can take to ensure your kids are gaining the information they need to make healthy sexual choices for themselves. 

In this class, participants will:

1. Explore how your own sexual shame and experiences impact our education to our children. 

2. Discover authentic sexual communication that builds sexually resilient kids.

3. Identify how to discuss sex throughout different childhood ages. 

June 14th – Post-Partum – stay tuned for more information!

July 12th – 5 Sexual Myths – stay tuned for more information!

For the past 12 years, we’ve enjoyed being a part of your journey to intimate connection and sexual growth more than you know, and we look forward to having you with us on this next chapter of education! 

Can’t want to wait for our new courses to become available? Check out our on-demand course catalog with something for everyone.

Everyone deserves great sex, and you deserve to know what works for you. Get brave and come see us at one of our five Dallas-Fort Worth locations. We’re proud to help you.