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Sex Education

How do I know if they’re faking an orgasm?

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I think it’s safe to say we’ve all faked an orgasm before, but why? The phrase “fake it til you make it” shouldn’t apply to sex. Ever. So, why did we feel so inclined to say we did when we didn’t? In this insightful and educational blog, sexologist Dr. Marty Klein debunks why clitoris owners sometimes fake orgasms. It is an ideal read for partners of clitoris owners (and clitoris owners themselves) on why fake orgasms happen, along with partner-to-partner communication techniques and products to ensure they don’t happen. 

“How do I know if they’re faking orgasm?” is a question I receive a lot, and I am concerned when anyone asks. It suggests a breakdown in communication and probably a lack of trust, and those are both bigger issues than the orgasm itself. If that’s what’s going on, do address this.

Step one: ask. Don’t accuse; ask. Be curious. The question, by the way, is “How do I know when you come?” It’s a reasonable question if asked in a friendly way (and only once or twice, not every week).

Never assume a vulva owner is faking orgasm. Instead, remove the typical reasons they might do so, including:

  • *They feel pressured to come
  • *They can’t get the stimulation they need to orgasm
  • *They want a sexual session to be over, but they’re afraid to say so. Or they say so, and you insist on continuing
  • * They know how to orgasm, but you’d rather they orgasm in a different way.

Do you know how your partner has orgasms? Ask. Remember that some vulva owners climax from something in their vagina, while others (most, actually) do so from having their clitoris stimulated—whether by your hand, their hand, your mouth, or a toy.

Toys are a wonderful way for many vulva owners to climax. They’re reliable, and if their partner makes it emotionally safe, they can be a lovely way for partners to enjoy their climax together. Some partners enjoy the way vibrators can reduce the sense of responsibility they feel for a vulva owner’s orgasm. And two people talking about how to use one can enhance their intimacy along with her pleasure. 

For more information about female orgasm and vibrators that provide vaginal, clitoral, or combined stimulation, check out the wide range of toys at Velvet Box.”

  • Dr. Marty Klein is a Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist and Certified Sex Therapist in Palo Alto, CA.

No one should feel like they have to fake an orgasm, and we’re here to help. As Dr. Klein said, we carry a premiere – and most importantly effective – stock of sexpert recommended vibrators for both vulva owner and their partners to enjoy together. 

Cheers to real, pleasurable orgasms, y’all!

Everyone deserves great sex, and you deserve to know what works for you. Get brave and come see us at one of our five Dallas-Fort Worth locations. We’re proud to help you.

Is their vibrator replacing you?

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The age of the vibrator is very much here, and it doesn’t look like it’s going anywhere (thank goodness!). Vibrators are effective in reaching an orgasm, but with their rise in popularity, there are some aspects to consider regarding vibrators’ impact on couples’ sex lives. To get more insight on the matter, we asked sexologist Dr. Marty Klein the question many of you might be wondering – Is their vibrator replacing you?

“In a word, no. Here are some of the things you can do that the vibrator can’t:

Hug. Kiss. Tease. Care. For most people, those are very important parts of sex.

You have infinite ways of touching them and discovering new ways to do so. A toy can never match your software—you’re patient, encouraging, accepting, light-hearted. That’s what makes sex, um, sexy. If you doubt it, ask them.

As with so much of technology, the right hardware enhances our experience, rather than replacing one of us. So why not take advantage of a toy? It adds to your couples’ experience by providing stimulation at the right intensity and speed—without tiring out your fingers, hand, or arm. Or theirs. It gives them control of that stimulation—you’re not concerned about that, I hope—which can relieve any concerns either of you has about her climaxing.

And the right vibrator will enhance their private pleasure, too. The typical result? More interest in partner sex, presumably with you.

Velvet Box has a wide range of vibrators that are easy to hold, fun to use, and add to the sexual experience. They even carry couples-oriented toys that you can use together, providing a special zing for you, too.

If your partner uses a vibrator, either by themselves or with you, that suggests they take their pleasure and sexual intimacy seriously, which should delight you. Ask them any questions you have about it, including “If you have one of those, what do you need me for?” I bet they’ll be glad to tell you. 

Have them give you a tour of how their favorite toy works—including how they use it when they’re alone, which may give you a few new ideas. Make sure you get your eyes right down where the action is, and make sure there’s some light in the room so you can see what’s what. 

And remember—while vibrators are great for providing orgasms, orgasms are not the most important part of sex. Right?”

  • Dr. Marty Klein is a Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist and Certified Sex Therapist in Palo Alto, CA.

Sex toys are meant to enhance sex, rather than replace it, and we believe in providing individuals and partners with products that enhance intimacy and connection without isolation. Just like shopping for clothes, it’s not one size fits all! Come in and see us and explore your options – together.

Everyone deserves great sex, and you deserve to know what works for you. Get brave and come see us at one of our five Dallas-Fort Worth locations. We’re proud to help you.

New sex ed and intimacy classes coming soon!

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At Velvet Box, we pride ourselves on providing incredible sexual education resources for individuals from every generation to grow in intimate connection and learn about their sexuality and needs in a safe, fun, and educational way. That’s why we’re back with new live classes for you, your partner, and others to learn about informative topics from the comfort of your own home.

Our most recent live class, Everything P0rn Didn’t Teach You was a hit, and we’re excited to share that we have more coming your way! Mark your calendars for our informative lineup of classes debuting on the second Tuesday of each month.

Note: Each participant’s name and identity are anonymous when joining the class.

April 12th – Your First Time – Click Here to Register

Nervous about having sex for the first time? You aren’t alone!  Most of us aren’t given a type of sexual education that helps us navigate pleasure and communication in our first sexual experience. Join this webinar to discover what to expect and how to be an advocate for your own pleasure from day one.

In this class, participants will:

1. Explore how to create a sexual ethic that can help you make sexual choices perfectly suited to you.

2. Discover what to expect your first time having sex.

3. Learn about and practice consent. 

May 10th – Raising Sexually Healthy Kids

Many of us want to give our kids more helpful sex education than we received from our parents…but where do you start?  Join our webinar to discover the small but meaningful steps you can take to ensure your kids are gaining the information they need to make healthy sexual choices for themselves. 

In this class, participants will:

1. Explore how your own sexual shame and experiences impact our education to our children. 

2. Discover authentic sexual communication that builds sexually resilient kids.

3. Identify how to discuss sex throughout different childhood ages. 

June 14th – Post-Partum – stay tuned for more information!

July 12th – 5 Sexual Myths – stay tuned for more information!

For the past 12 years, we’ve enjoyed being a part of your journey to intimate connection and sexual growth more than you know, and we look forward to having you with us on this next chapter of education! 

Can’t want to wait for our new courses to become available? Check out our on-demand course catalog with something for everyone.

Everyone deserves great sex, and you deserve to know what works for you. Get brave and come see us at one of our five Dallas-Fort Worth locations. We’re proud to help you.

3 ways to have the best sex of your life this year

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It’s 2022, and if we learned anything from the prior year it’s that the dialogue around sex and sexuality has grown into one that is open, popular, and – quite frankly – the new norm. We pride ourselves on being part of a modern evolution in which there are incredible resources for individuals from every generation to grow in intimate connection and learn about their own sexuality and needs in a safe and educational way. 

If prioritizing your sex life is a part of your New Year’s Resolutions, consider this your golden ticket to experiencing sensual and intimate pleasure in your body, soul, and partnerships. From communication tools to educational classes to utilizing industry experts as a source of advice and guidance on your road to sexual exploration, here are 3 ways you can have the best sex of your life this year. 

1. Talk about sex more

Communication both in and out of the bedroom is the most important aspect when trying to build intimacy in a partnership. Start discussing the things you like and want, and the things you don’t. However, we understand that it can be difficult to break down the barrier if sex isn’t normally a topic of discussion. If you need help on where to start, explore our communication tools for inspiration!

2. Explore what sparks your curiosity

Anal? Role play? Bondage? If there’s something outside your normal sex routine that you’re wanting to explore, there is no time like the present. You deserve sexual fulfillment, and it all begins with learning about it in a safe and educational way! If you’re looking for the entryway into the discussion with your partner, skip the fathomless internet and suggest you watch one of our on-demand classes on whatever you’re wanting to explore. From Booty Basics to Get Kinky to our all encompassing Spice Things Up bundle, our classes are the perfect, anonymous setting to start diving into new experiences – together.

3. Commit to some novelty in the bedroom

A great way to start having consistently great sex is by building a routine. Scheduling sex is a good idea, and commiting to trying something new each month or so is a great one. Try a new toy or product each month and commit to integrating it into your sex life and experience the new thrills you’re yearning for! For expert knowledge on everything from lube to vibrators, come into one of our 5 DFW locations and talk to one of our amazing trained sex-perts. There’s no need to be shy, we promise.

Commit to yourself and your pleasure this year. You don’t need a reason to, but if you’re looking for one, it’s because you deserve it. 

Everyone deserves great sex, and you deserve to know what works for you. Get brave and come see us at one of our five Dallas-Fort Worth locations. We’re proud to help you.

Building Intimacy through Eye Gazing: An Exercise

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It can often be difficult to feel truly connected during sex. Your mind can wander. Sometimes it feels like a task or chore that we are just checking off the list. You just don’t feel as present as you’d like to. Sound familiar?

According to Sex Therapist Dr. Celeste Holbrook, being present is the key to sensuality. Sensuality is by definition “enjoying your senses.” But you cannot enjoy your senses in the future or in the past. You have to be in the moment. 

Here, Dr. Holbrook has provided a quick exercise to sink into the moment prior to sex with your partner using your sense of vision. It is an eye gazing exercise that helps you direct your most highly relied upon sense (your eyesight) into the present. Note: This is a very intimate activity, so only start with 10 seconds.

Here is how you do it:

  1. Sit down comfortably, facing your partner.
  2. Set the timer. You may choose anywhere from 10 seconds to 10 minutes. Start with a time that feels comfortable but somewhat challenging and work up. The longer, the more powerful the experience.
  3. Gaze into the eyes of your partner. You can blink at any point, it’s not a staring competition.
  4. If you get distracted, simply bring back your awareness to the eyes of your partner.
  5. After the experience is over, grab a piece of paper and draw / write about how you are feeling.
  6. Talk about the experience with your partner…you may want to write down a few things in your journal immediately and talk about the experience later. That is okay. Just be sure to debrief at some point.

A note from Dr. Holbrook

Please know that this can be uncomfortable. If you think about it, we don’t sit and look at each other without the help of words to smooth the depth of the connection. But the important part is that you try. Try connecting in this way, on your bed, clothes on or off, before sex. After you get more comfortable with it, it will feel like a beautiful, intimate reset button. It is grounding, it is connective and it is happy!

You deserve to experience the intimacy you’re longing for, and Velvet Box is proud to provide you with resources to further your journey. For more information on building intimacy with your partner, view our Building Intimacy Checklist.

Everyone deserves great sex, and you deserve to know what works for you. Get brave and come see us at one of our five Dallas-Fort Worth locations. We’re proud to help you.

The Importance of Communication in a Relationship

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For over the past 10 years, Velvet Box has helped thousands of people overcome sexual barriers so they can experience the connection and excitement they deserve and have always wanted. Today, we’re letting you in on sex therapists’ top tips on how to experience the connection and sexual fulfillment you’re looking for in your relationship. Enter: the importance of communication. 

Why is communication important?

Communication is vital for building and sustaining a healthy relationship both in and outside of the bedroom. Lack of communication can lead to a disconnect between partners, even if it’s not obvious right away. Just as we strive to change the narrative around sex and sexual wellness through open dialogue, it’s important that you communicate with your partner (and yourself) about your personal and sexual needs and desires in order to nurture your relationship and avoid discourse now and in the future.

Here, with the help of Dr. Marty Klein’s “8 Ways to Put Sex Therapists Out of Business” article, we answer why having open communication about sex (and everything else!) with your partner is important and advice to get you started. 

Communication closes the gap between questions and answers

Does your partner know how you like to be touched when having sex? Do they know that you need a little extra stimulation to orgasm? Do you know if your partner likes it when you go down on them? In the words of Dr. Klein, “the answer to many, many questions is simply ‘talk to your partner.’ And do it more than once.” Take the time to sit down and talk about these things with your partner outside of the bedroom. Chances are you aren’t the only one who has questions.

To get going, try bringing our Teach Me Your Love Language communication tool to the table. For those who need a little extra help (and that’s quite a lot of us!) to achieve a full orgasm, try adding one (or all) of these into the mix: We Vibe Pivot, Womanizer Premium Eco, Wicked Gel Lubricant.

Communication can lead to more sexual fulfillment

It’s totally normal to feel vulnerable or insecure about your (or your partner’s) desires and fantasies, but as long as everyone is on the same page with safety and consent, there’s no need to. According to Dr. Klein, a “fantasy is a way to ‘experience’ things without any real-world consequences. Thus, fantasy is a library of human sexual imagination. No one fantasizes about things they can easily do in real life.” Of course, your fantasies might seem weird at first – they’re from your imagination! If you have a desire or fantasy that can’t be lived out without the help of your partner, tell them about it and ask them if they have any you can help with, too. Try using our Sexual Interest Inventory communication tool to get started. You might find that you both fantasize about the same things, or create a new, shared fantasy altogether. It takes two to tango! 

When exploring your fantasies or trying new things in the bedroom, remember to always practice Aftercare to ensure both parties involved feel safe, comfortable, and listened to.

Communication can help to overcome sexual setbacks

There are many reasons why penetrative sex may not be an option (erectile dysfunction, painful vagina, or someone just isn’t in the mood). So if you want intercourse but can’t have it, talking to your partner about trying out other options is far healthier for your relationship than just stopping in frustration. In the words of Dr. Klein, “if two people want to have sex, and they can’t do the thing they planned to do, there are plenty of alternatives.” Find out what intimate acts you can do to satisfy each other when penetrative sex isn’t an option. Is it massaging in a certain spot? Find out with our How to Touch Me tool. Is it adding the use of a toy? If so, sit down with your partner and explore all that we have to offer in the For Us category of our online shop. 

So, what have we learned?

Above all else, always keep in mind our favorite phrase: communication is lubrication. And that applies to both in and outside of the bedroom. Communication is the basis of all human interaction, and having an open conversation about sex with your partner should be no different than asking them how their day went. However, we understand that isn’t always that simple. So if you need a little extra confidence to initiate a conversation, our communication tools are tremendously helpful. 

Everyone deserves great sex, and you deserve to know what works for you. Get brave and come see us at one of our five Dallas-Fort Worth locations. We’re proud to help you.