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Sex Education

Redefining Sex Podcast with Dr. Celeste Holbrook

March 18, 2021 by Lauren Cockerell

This Women’s History Month, we want to talk about redefining sex. If you spent your formative years being told that sex was dirty or shameful, or that sex was only penetrative intercourse, or a variety of other harmful, negative stories, then it’s time to pivot.

We invite you to listen to a wonderful podcast featuring our resident sex educator Dr. Celeste Holbrook with host My So-Called Fabulous with Tiffany Blackmon. It’s a brave, vulnerable conversation about redefining sex, regardless of what stage of life you’re in. We highly recommend you check it out right away before hopping in between the sheets!

Filed Under: For Her, Sex Education

From Purity Culture To Pleasure

October 16, 2020 by Lauren Cockerell

How purity culture can affect adult sexuality, and how you can heal from it.

Over the past 10 years, Velvet Box has been helping thousands of people overcome sexual stigma and experience connection, education and excitement. And, as we continue this journey with you, we are excited to announce that we are diving into a new topic with the help of instructor Dr. Celeste Holbrook: today we’re talking about purity culture, and how it can affect adult sexuality. 

So, what exactly is “purity culture”, how does it affect sexuality, and how can you heal from it? 

What is purity culture?

Over on her blog and on a variety of podcasts, Dr. Holbrook has been discussing the modern purity culture and how it has affected the sexual education and sexuality of individuals since the “free love” movement of the 1960s. This propelled a counter era of the late ‘80’s and 90’s based on the evangelical Christian message of sexual “purity”. “Out of this need for control over Christian sex grew ‘purity culture,’ or the idea that one could be ‘pure’ in the eyes of God by refraining from sexual thought or action until the wedding night,” stated Holbrook in her blog. 

How purity culture can affect sexuality?

Messages of purity can have a deep and long term effect on sexual thoughts, behaviors and confidence. After listening to more than 10,000 women, Holbrook studied Religious Trauma Syndrome and found significant connections between purity messaging in youth and sexuality as an adult. “I see many women in my practice who experience low libido and painful sex. Most of them have a background of messages that indicate sex is dangerous,” Holbrook states in her “Sex is dangerous, they said” post. Other messages include “You are responsible for arousing men sexually,” which can lead to “sex feels like a responsibility or a chore – something on the to-do list.” Sound familiar?

How to heal from purity culture?

While the modern “purity culture” has evolved over the past 40 years, the idea of social purity dates back to the beginning of the 19th century. How does one overcome an ideology ingrained in our culture for the past 220 years? We’ve outlined a few tips to help you begin your journey to pleasure, from education and classes to toys and intimacy advice.  

  1. Take the time to dive into Dr. Celeste Holbrook’s research on the purity culture via the links below:
    • “Purity Culture Verses Comprehensive Sex Education”
    • “Sex is Dangerous, They Said”
    • “How Purity Messages Impact Your Current Sex Life”
  1. Sign up for our new class “From Purity to Pleasure” with Dr. Celeste Holbrooke on Wednesday, October 21st at 8:00PM. 
  1. Stop by one of our five Velvet Box locations to talk to one of our intimacy specialists.
  1. Check out the following communication tools and recommended toys.

Communication Tools 

Here are two great worksheets to help you communicate your desires and your comfort.

Sexual Interest Inventory

How to Touch Me


Ideal Toys for Getting Started

Lubricant

It is a myth that a woman’s natural lubrication will show up on cue (similar to the myth that a man can always achieve or maintain an erection when he wants to). So it’s handy to always keep a bottle of lube nearby for when you are ready for play. Lubricant can also help if you are experiencing pain or discomfort during sex because it creates a barrier between the skin and significantly reduces friction and micro-tearing. Think of it like oil for your engine; you want those pistons running smoothly. I suggest a hybrid lubricant – either the gels or the creams – because they are very wet, and they tend to last longer because of their thicker consistency. Also, they are compatible with silicone toys.

Bullet

Society has always been harder on a woman’s personal sexual exploration than they are on a man’s. As a result, many women have never learned to masturbate. If you don’t know what works for you, then you’ll struggle to show your partner what you like and need. Fun fact: over 80% of women achieve orgasm from clitoral stimulation alone. If you are one of those women (and you likely are), then you need a bullet. A bullet is your best friend. They are small, discrete, and typically more powerful than they look. Plus, you can use it to explore pleasure points all over the body. Bullets come in all sorts of shapes and sizes and can be used with your partner or on your own. We recommend that you use it on your own first, because knowing your body and what feels good for you is essential to communicating your needs to your partner. Plus, hey, we all deserve some quality alone-time, right? (The Femme Funn Booster Bullet pictured here is available in Velvet Box stores.)

Vibrating C-Ring

As we mentioned before, over 80% of women achieve orgasm by clitoral stimulation alone. Unfortunately, the clitoris is on the outside of the body and doesn’t always get the attention it deserves during typical intercourse. Then some genius (probably a woman) strapped a vibrator to a penis, and the world was never the same. A vibrating c-ring provides hands-free clitoral stimulation during sex, suddenly making the missionary position a lot more fun. There are so many benefits to a vibrating c-ring. Firstly the ring itself acts as a tourniquet, locking blood into the penis for a firmer, harder, more engorged erection. Then the vibrator sends vibrations through the penis, which is very pleasurable for the wearer and the recipient. Lastly, the vibrator massages the clitoris during sex, giving the clitoris all the attention it deserves. Remember to keep the vibe in contact with the clitoris, so think more grinding, less humping and pumping. 

Sex Games

If you want to start exploring the vast and exciting world of sexual pleasure, but you don’t know where to start, then try picking up a sex game. These games are designed to help you spice up your sex life. If you don’t know what to do, start at the literal square one of a board game. Or roll the dice; we promise someone will get lucky, and we are willing to bet it’s both of you. Sex games are also great conversation starters; not only should you talk about trying whatever the card told you to beforehand, we recommend that you talk about the experience after the fact, too. Aftercare is an essential and often overlooked part of healthy sex. Be honest and talk about it. Michael Jordan wasn’t born the best basketball player in the world; it took practice. So think of this as practice: huddle and discuss the next play, and maybe even make time for two-a-days. 

BDSM

BDSM gets a bad rep even though more than 40% of couples have experimented with some form of it at some point in their lives. Some people may think BDSM is about control or pain, and although that can exist, it’s mostly about exploring the limits of pleasure. Try something easy, like a blindfold and some velcro restraints, and think about it as relaxing into the experience rather than fighting it. Restraints are meant to ground you, not to be fought against like a victim in a Taken movie. (Although, that sort of role play can be explored as well. You do you, boo.) Wouldn’t it be nice to relax and have your partner pleasure you? The most important parts of this kind of play are clearly communicating your wants and needs, creating limits and boundaries, and setting a safe word. Then honor those boundaries. Don’t break your partner’s trust because you think it’s funny, or you’ll risk losing access to an entire world of fetishes that you can explore together. 

We-Vibe Chorus

We can’t talk about couples’ sex and not mention the number one couples toy in the world, the We-Vibe Chorus. Similar to the vibrating C-ring, the Chorus provides hands-free clitoral stimulation during sex. But, unlike the c-ring, the Chorus is worn by the woman, provides constant clitoral stimulation, and stimulates the g-spot while also gliding along the penis during intercourse. This toy does it all. It can be a panty vibe, a solo toy, and it is ideal for foreplay. It’s also submersible waterproof, remote-controlled, and it has an app! That’s right, it has a smartphone app that allows you to do all sorts of cool stuff, but most importantly, it allows you to play with your partner from anywhere in the world. 

Filed Under: For Her, Sex Education

Silver Sex – Your Best Sex Is Still Ahead of You!

September 25, 2020 by Lauren Cockerell

Some people may say or think that sex is a young person’s game. But, with a little imagination (and maybe a visit to your friendly Velvet Box store), we say that senior sex, or “Silver Sex,” is something to look forward to! Yes, your body and your desire may change, but we’re here to help you embrace your changing sexuality.

A few tips to get you started:

Take an Online Class

A class?! Yes! We host online classes you can join anonymously from the privacy of your home 2-3 times per month for just $10 per class. (Check out our schedule here.) These are a great way to spark your curiosity, learn something new, and connect with your partner.

Communicate With Your Partner

You already know this, but open communication is critical to a great sex life, whether you’ve been together decades or weeks. If your needs and wants have changed (or you’ve never been able to express your desires), but you’re struggling to find the words, check our Communication Tools to help guide your conversation. To begin, we recommend:

  • More Than A Touch
  • How To Touch Me
  • Sexual Interest Inventory
  • Building Intimacy Checklist

Spice Up the Toy Box

Whether you want to shop online or come see one of our amazing, friendly, helpful sex-perts at one of our 5 DFW-area stores, here are a few lubricant and toy recommendations to help make your senior sex experience all the more pleasurable and comfortable.

Velvet Box Lubricant for Seniors

Wicked Simply Hybrid 

First things first – lube! Creamy hybrid lubricants like Wicked Simply Hybrid are great because they have the benefits of both water-based and silicone-based lubes and almost none of the disadvantages. Creamy hybrid lubes are long-lasting, usually tasteless, rarely sticky, and can double as a daily moisturizer for vaginal dryness as well as a fantastic personal lubricant for sex. Wicked Simply Hybrid has clean cosmetic grade packaging and an easy to use pump cap that disperses just the right amount of lube (but feel free to use as much as you need!). Hybrid lubes are safe for all toy materials.

Velvet Box Sex Toys for Seniors We-Vibe Pivot

We-Vibe Pivot

The Pivot is a vibrating c-ring, which is a couple’s toy that the male wears around the base of the penis. The ring itself is made of durable medical-grade silicone, which will restrict blood flow to the penis, which helps create a firmer erection. Then the vibrator on the top provides hands-free clitoral stimulation during sex and also sends waves of vibration through the penis. Ultimately, it is an external vibrator that can be used anywhere on the body, so use your imagination! One cool trick is to wrap the ring around your fingers with the Pivot in the palm of your hand so that you can use your vibrating fingers to stimulate your partner. Can you say “magic fingers”?!

Velvet Box Sex Toys for Seniors Penis Pump Optimum Series Automatic Smart Pump

Optimum Series – Automatic Smart Pump

This auto pump is actually multiple toys in one package. First, it’s a penis pump. The user inserts their penis into the canister and presses it firmly against the pelvis creating an airtight seal. Then the automatic pump will suck all the air out of the toy and simultaneously pull more blood into the penis, helping to create a firm erection. Once the user has achieved the firmness of the erection desired, they can remove the pump and put on a C-ring to lock the blood in place. 

Secondly, this toy comes with a soft masturbation sleeve. For this purpose, the user can apply lube to the penis and the toy and follow the same steps, only this time, they can stroke the penis and received simulated oral sex. This product is great for penis-owners who may have erectile dysfunction. Not only does the pump help achieve an erection, but even if you are not able to achieve full mast, you can still experience tremendous pleasure from the suction and textured sleeve. 

Femme Funn Ultra Wand

Femme Fun Ultra Wand

The ultra wand is an ideal senior sex toy: it’s lightweight, quiet, powerful, and discrete. The toy itself is actually a small body massager, so if your kids find it, you can just claim to have a sore neck. The entire toy is coated in medical-grade silicone that helps with gripping the toy, so if you have any dexterity issues, this toy is right for you. Not to mention the powerful vibrating head is ideal for providing external, clitoral stimulation, even if you have lost some sensitivity in that area. (Our Femme Fun products are available only in Velvet Box stores.)

Velvet Box Sex Toys for Seniors Womanizer Premium

Womanizer Premium

The Womanizer Premium uses air pleasure technology to provide clitoral stimulation as you have never experienced before. Simply place the open face of the tip of the toy directly over the clitoris and create an airtight seal against the skin, turn it on and hang on for the ride. Not that it’s a long ride… the Womanizer Premium can give a woman a very intense clitoral orgasm in a matter of minutes. Some women even experience such powerful orgasms that they even experience female ejaculation. How’s that for spicing things up?

Thigh Strap-on Harness and attachment

The thigh strap-on is an excellent alternative for someone unable to participate in typical penetrative sex. Not only does the thigh strap allow you to experience many sexual positions, but it also allows you to have access to your genitals, unlike other hollow strap-ons. With the thigh strap-on, you can still experience sexual stimulation while your partner gets to experience more typical penetrative sex. 

Remember that your mind is your largest sex organ, and you can receive pleasure just from knowing that you are providing pleasure to your partner. 

Think outside the box of typical senior sex and dive into the endless wonders of toys while you build intimacy and pleasure for the best sex of your life! 

Filed Under: For Us, Sex Education

Let’s Talk About Sex – Does Sex Really Sell?

March 4, 2019 by Velvet Box

Does sex really sell? Sure you can use sex to sell everything from burgers to dental care, but can you use sex to sell a healthy sex education? In this episode of Let’s Talk About Sex with Dr. Celeste Holbrook, we talk about sex in marketing, talking to your kids about sex & Grace’s golden rule of sex and life.

Check out Let’s Talk About Sex with Dr. Celeste Holbrook every Wednesday here.

For more sneak peeks, tip & tricks and behind the scenes, follow us on Facebook, Instagram & Twitter.

Filed Under: Sex Education

Let’s Talk About Sex with Dr. Celeste Holbrook

December 21, 2018 by Velvet Box

In this episode of Let’s Talk About Sex, Velvet Box’s very own Marcelle (Owner) and Brandon (C.O.O.) talk about how to shop for sex toys with Dr. Celeste Holbrook.

Follow JoCo Community Radio for more Let’s Talk About Sex https://www.facebook.com/MyCommunityR…

Make sure to read up on our latest articles featuring the hottest new toys on the market!

For more sneak peeks, tips and tricks and other sexy fun, follow us on Facebook, Instagram & Twitter.

Filed Under: Sex Education

The History of Sex Toys

October 16, 2018 by Velvet Box

The desire for a good old-fashioned orgasm is timeless. Our ancestors, while they were forming clay pots, and making hair combs out of bone, didn’t neglect sexual needs as a life necessity. The oldest dildo found to date was a curved phallic object made from siltstone, approximately from 26000 BC in Germany. Now, we may carry Real Rock dildos at the stores, but rest assured, they are not made of real rock. Allow us to penetrate deep into the past and explore the history of sex toys with you. We found it exhilarating.

B.C.

So, we know the ancient Europeans were doing it, but many others were as well. Legend has it Cleopatra was said to keep a jar of live bees on her bedside table, tightly sealed of course, for the purpose of pleasuring her lower Mesopotamia. I don’t think we’d recommend that, but since all four of her husbands died, she made it work for herself. Other, less wealthy, Egyptians, also used what they could. There are manuscripts that identify using unripe bananas or camel dung coated with resin. Yes, I said camel DUNG… hard pass!


Not to be outdone, the Greek began promoting olive oil as a lubricant. Admittedly, they first thought that it would prevent pregnancy, but once they experienced that silken texture of lubricant, it became a bedroom staple. Japan contributed the anal beads, and also Ben Wa (kegel) balls, and China gave us the penis ring, believing that one must be worn to produce an heir. The original rings were made from goat eyelids with the lashes still attached! If that’s not nightmare inducing… There are pictures of these out there but we thought we would spare you, you’re welcome. Instead here is a later one made of Jade.

1700’s – 1800’s

But America was built by Puritans and denied the existence or use of sex toys for another few hundred years. But, we’re sure that under covers, in the dark of night, our horny ancestors were still using whatever they could find to get the job done. Finally, in 1869, men figured out that women were capable of having orgasms. The previously held belief was that only men were able to have such a release. Maybe we should have called those our very own dark ages!!

Doctors started prescribing female orgasms to women to prevent hysteria and depression. Men, who had never had to work this hard before, found the prescription tiresome and set to work to invent a sex toy that could get the job done in less time and with less male effort. GE, the same people who make our microwaves, created a steam-powered vibrator that swept the nation in popularity. Our working theory is now we know what may have really caused that Great Chicago Fire of 1871.

1920’s

And from there, the floodgates were opened, so to speak. Each decade in America brought with it an advance in sex toy technology. The 1920s brought us an electric vibrator to treat deafness, sciatica, and remove wrinkles. Sure… The electric vibrator was illicitly used in stag films (the first porn). Thankfully, these were silent movies and the extremely loud buzzing could not be heard.

40’s – 50’s

In the 1940s, vibrators were finally given interchangeable textured heads, supposedly for giving scalp and body massages, but now women had some options. The 1950s, the housewife era, brought us rumble seats, since women were already using the clothes dryer as a form of stimulation.

60’s – 70’s

The 1960s was when it really got poppin’. The feminist movement brought dildos into the forefront, stating that they could relieve a woman’s dependence on a man. These early dildos were very life-like models of male penises, made out of rubber or oftentimes, glass or crystal. In 1966, the first patent was filed for a cordless vibrator. It was the first time that a patent had been filed actually identifying the object as a sex toy, instead of hiding it in plain sight. It was a couple years before the lunar landing, but we would like to argue that this patent was the first “small step for man, giant leap for mankind.”

The 1970s brought us more dildos, but this time, in all the flesh tones. Prior to 1970, flesh tone was Caucasian only. Later that decade, women began to design sex toys in less realistic shapes, introducing colors like pink, blue, and purple. The 1970s also brought us the Magic Wand, now owned by Vibratex, and it rocked the world as we know it. With 6000 RPM, it is still one of the most powerful toys on the market and has so many delicious uses.

80’s – 90’s

The 1980s brought us adult stores, where the public could easily enter in to buy whatever delight tickled their fancy. Except for Alabama. They kept laws on the books until 1998 that criminalized the sale of sex toys. We wonder what the borders looked like, women in droves going to a neighboring state, to buy their fantasies. Even here in Texas, there is still a law on the books that states that it is illegal to operate a motor vehicle containing more than three sex toys. Hope they don’t peek inside of our trunks when we get pulled over.

The 1990s brought us the rabbit-style vibrator (thanks, Japan) and the ultimate TV show, Sex and the City. The characters’ frank discussions about sexuality opened the door to normalize sex toys in society. Sex toys gained acceptance and companies worked to develop the latest and greatest items to keep up with demand. And we would like to thank them for a job well done.

Today

If you come into any of out Velvet Box locations, we can show you all the newly developed sex toys. The Womanizer tops our list, as you can tell because we talk about it here, here and here. This toy provides clitoral suction with just the right amount of pressure. Makers of this toy boast that over 80% of women achieve orgasm within five minutes of use. However, users say that you can have multiples in that amount of time.  This toy will blow you away!!

And we can’t forget We-Vibe. We-Vibe has an entire line of erotic pleasures, all with extremely deep vibrations, but the crazy part is, there is an app for that! Playtime reaches a whole new level when your partner can operate your sex toy from the bedroom or from 10,000 miles away. So many new ways to play, including playing in public while still being private. You can read about all the different We-Vibe products here.

Even our lubricants are changing with demand, now offering completely vegan and organic brands to keep those harmful chemicals away from your bits and pieces.

We carry several amazing lines of sexual toys, you can see some of our new favorites here, and we hate to leave anyone out. So, come one, come all, into a location nearest you today and see for yourself the strides that these companies are making to please you. You won’t regret it.

Written by Ally Barr

 

Have you checked out our October gift with purchase?

For more sneak peeks, tips and tricks and other sexy fun, follow us on Facebook, Instagram & Twitter.

Filed Under: Sex Education

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