Misc

Sex after Breast Cancer: Go from Surviving to Thriving

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Have you or someone you care about been diagnosed with breast cancer? Are you currently seeking treatment — or are you in recovery and feel unsure of the steps to take to get back to a “normal” sexual self-image? We asked our resident sexologist Dr. Celeste Holbrook for insight and science-backed advice on ways survivors can begin to feel sexually confident again.

Sex after Breast Cancer: Go from Surviving to Thriving

If you or anyone you care about has ever been diagnosed with breast cancer, you know how disorienting and disruptive it can be. When choosing and pursuing treatments, your focus has been on survival, and with good reason. But there is more to life than just surviving. I have worked with many women who have come through to the other side of treatment only to face difficulty getting back to their “normal” life. This is especially true when it comes to sex. Entering back into a happy, healthy sex life after breast cancer diagnosis and treatment can feel daunting. But I know from my work with my clients that there are steps you can take that will bring you from surviving to thriving — in your bedroom, and in your life.

1. Establish a positive relationship with your breasts

Work to establish a positive relationship with your breasts, which may mean understanding any negative relationship you have with your breasts. Whether you had a mastectomy, lumpectomy, radiation or reconstruction, your relationship with your breasts has changed. Take time to write down how you feel about them now. Here are some prompts to get you started: What makes you angry about them? What are you grateful for? Do you feel like they are still unknown? Do you have emotions surfacing about how they look or feel? Do you need to grieve any loss of sensation? How do you feel about your partner touching them? What communication needs to happen between you and your partner, so they know how to respect your breasts?

2. Work within your comfort zone

If you aren’t feeling entirely up for being bare-chested during sex, consider buying some fun new lingerie or an oversized button-down shirt. You can pair the shirt with your sexiest panties and leave as many (or all!) of the buttons undone as you like.

3. Create new sexual associations

Try new sensations on your breasts to create new sexual associations. If what you did before breast cancer diagnosis and treatment doesn’t feel good to you now, try to make a new pleasure association with your brain. If you experience some loss of sensation, you may want to try an arousal cream on your nipples or use a flavored lubricant for your partner to lick and kiss. (See below for recommended products and more.) 

4. Go slow and show your body compassion

Remember to go slowly, and give yourself and your body lots of compassion. It has been through significant trauma and may need some time to recover…even after your treatments are over. Be patient. Your sexy, sensual side will return. 

At Velvet Box, we are passionate about helping all individuals achieve the intimacy, connection, and excitement they deserve. Stop by one of our six DFW locations or shop online to find the products and advice you’re looking to explore.  And for more insights from our resident sexologist, please check out our on-demand sex education classes where Dr. Celeste will lead you through a wide range of topics from how to combat low libido to how to (discreetly) construct the sexy bedroom of your wildest dreams.

Recommended products and classes

Nipple Nibblers Tingle Balm

Add a touch of Nipple Nibblers Wicked Watermelon Tingle Balm to increase sensation on the nipples. The kissable formula provides a tasty and playful twist for enhanced arousal for both parties!

Intimate Earth Flavored Lubricant

Allow your partner to kiss and lick you all over by adding a dollop of Intimate Earth Cheeky Apples Flavored Lubricant anywhere you want to feel an exciting touch. This staff favorite is made with all-natural apple flavors and organic stevia for a delicious taste and texture.

Womanizer Liberty

The perfect companion (and it’s cute too!). Made for you and your body, the Womanizer Liberty stimulates the clitoris with no direct contact. Gentle air vibrations suck and massage together at the same time to provide an unprecedented orgasmic feeling.

DONA Kissable Massage Oil

Sit back and enjoy a sensual massage with DONA Kissable Massage Oil. This aphrodisiac and pheromone-infused oil will trigger intense tactile sensations that release stress to help you relax, plus it’s just plain sexy. Non-greasy and sweet dessert for your masseuse, too!

Ignite Arousal: Combating Low Libido

This one-hour course discusses and explores the most common sexual complaint of people in long-term relationships—low libido. Learn the culprits and discover the solutions to create a sex life that feels effortless, connective, and pleasurable. Click here to view.

Build a Sexy Bedroom

In this class, you’ll learn how to craft a bedroom retreat that invites erotic play, while leaving stress and the burdens of responsibility firmly on the other side of the door. Click here to view.

Is your to-do list killing your sex life?

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Picture this: you’re in bed with your significant other, things are getting hot and heavy, and the moment you are about to have sex, a memory of work flashes into your head, or you spy the dirty laundry on the floor you meant to do last week. Next thing you know, sex isn’t even on your mind anymore. Sound familiar?

Several life factors can contribute to low libido, and responsibility is at the very top of the list. Having work, family, and household chores top of mind is not the golden ticket to getting in the mood for sex. Here, our resident sexologist Dr. Celeste Holbrook shares science-backed insight on why resolving your responsibilities outside of the bedroom can lead to increased libido, as well as a list of action items you can do to help you get there. 

Is your to-do list killing your sex life?

Did you know responsibility is the greatest killer of arousal? That means, when you are thinking about your work contracts, the laundry, or that call to your mother, your brain will find it difficult to focus on getting in the mood for sex. If you think about it, pleasure is the opposite of responsibility. Pleasure is a healthy sense of irresponsibility. Pleasure doesn’t outright have a purpose other than pleasure…and that can feel frivolous. But that helps us see how removing responsibilities from your thoughts is one of the ways you can step into your pleasure. It’s easier said than done, so here is a list of ways that you can unhinge your to-do’s and lock in to your pleasure. 

1. Create a sexy, serene bedroom by removing the computer, bins of laundry, and pics of your kids from your nightstand.

2. Make sure your toys are charged and cleaned after every use, so you know they are good to go and you aren’t worried about them dying mid-orgasm.

3. Communicate with your partner earlier in the day about what is on your mind. Talk about what is making you anxious, frustrated or excited about the upcoming days or weeks and then resolve to leave those thoughts outside of your bedroom door during sex.

4. If you have kids, take some time to separate from the responsibility of caregiving by going for a walk, taking a bath or letting your partner put them to bed while you go to dinner on your own. 

5. Practice pleasure in other ways. Have an impromptu dance party in the mirror. Indulge in your favorite scent. Put your feet in the grass and look up at the clouds for a full 5 minutes.  Practicing pleasure in more accessible ways can help you step into pleasure in your bedroom.

  • Dr. Celeste Holbrook

At Velvet Box, it is our passion to help individuals just like you to achieve the intimacy and connection you deserve. While you work your way through this list, treat yourself to one of our webinars, communication tools, and or vibes to help you along the way. 

Go from To-Do to To-Daaaaang

  1. Need assistance creating a sexy bedroom? Our recent webinar, Build a Sexy Bedroom is available for on-demand purchase.
  2. Sex toys can bring more than just good vibes. Add a bit of vibration or air pulse technology, and you can experience more orgasms, even during penetrative sex. Treat yourself to a new vibe from our Expert Picks selection!
  3. Communication is lubrication. If you need extra guidance when talking to your partner, check out one of our many Communication Tools to get you started. 
  4. While your partner is taking care of the kids, get in the mood during your time alone with some lingerie. When you feel sexy, sex feels sexy.

View our full class catalog here and our online store here.

About Dr. Celeste Holbrook

Many of you may know our resident sexologist, Dr. Celeste Holbrook. Whether it’s through one or many of our intimacy classes with her, or perhaps you’ve been following her incredible Instagram all along (if not, we highly recommend you give her a follow). But for those who may not know her yet, Dr. Holbrook is a sexologist, speaker, and author who has dedicated her life to helping women achieve soul-centered sex through perfectly planned mental and behavioral changes. Learn more about Celeste and her journey as a sexologist on her website at drcelesteholbrook.com.

Erotic Beach Reads for Memorial Day and Summer

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We all love a good beach read, and if you’re headed that way this Memorial Day weekend, (or any weekend for that matter!) erotic reads can help you to get excited about time alone with your partner at night. So, cover up with sunscreen and hunker down in the sand, and get ready to feast your eyes (or ears) on some summer lovin’ reads.

From fantasy reads to audio erotica to spicy stories – they are out there! Here we’ve found some of the top resources on how to find what you want and the platform that works best for you. Thanks to Melissa Urban and InsideHook for these recs and synopses!

Erotica Books

Kindle Erotica: Amazon’s Kindle (or any e-reader) allows you to search by any topic or genre you desire. Vampire Lust, Forbidden Love, Affairs Abroad, LGBTQ+, Paranormal, Victorian, BDSM – you name it, they have it. They also allow you to download a sample first, which saves time and money, AND you can highlight and bookmark your favorite steamy parts to come back to later (aka – “Hey, Honey. Come read this and let me know what you think!”). Thank you, technology.

But if you’re someone who would rather have some recommendations rather than sort through the plethora of options out there, here are some of the most recommended erotic reads available for both discreet Kindle reading or paperback:

  • Follow Me Darkly by Helen Hardt. “Think Fifty Shades but less like it was written by a teenage boy. Assistant meets billionaire, you know what happens next.”
  • The Club by A.L. Brooks. “Women of all types meet at The Club for anonymous (and hot) no-strings-attached action. Reviewers call it ‘beautifully unique’; and spicy with substance.”
  • Night Shift by Joanna Angel. “Remember those ‘choose your own adventure’ books from your childhood? It’s like that, but with butt plugs.”
  • Court of Thorns and Roses by Sarah J. Mass. “A fantasy erotica series: The age-old tale of girl meets evil beast, except beast is actually kinda hot. (With 44,000 nearly 5-star reviews…)”
  • The Idea of You, by Robinne Lee. “Middle-aged mom meets thoughtful (young) sex god… but this one appears to have a depth missing from other erotica.”

Erotica Podcasts

For those podcasts-lovers out there – maybe you want to try listening to something a lil’ spicy rather than reading it. Erotica podcasts are super discreet; just pop in headphones and no one but you will know what you’re listening to. Win-win!

Here are a few top recommendations for the steamiest podcasts and audio erotica out there:

  • Kiss Me Quick by Rose Caraway.  The #1 Erotica show on iTunes and Spotify, Kiss Me Quick features Caraway as she “freely celebrates all things erotica with her wonderful husband and Lurid Listeners, and is fondly known as ‘The Sexy Librarian’”.
  • Fangasm by Allie LeFevere, Lyndsay Rush, & Danny Chapman. This comedy pop-culture erotica podcast “features your favorite TV, book, and movie characters as they find themselves outside of their storylines and sometimes… inside of each other. Think: Harry Potter, Marvel, Star Wars, Game of Thrones, The Office, Stranger Things, Parks and Recreation, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, and more.”
  • We Gotta Thing by Mr. and Mrs. Jones. Into swinging or simply just fantasize about it? We Gotta Thing is for you. “Whether you swing yourself, are curious about it or just love a good story about sex outside the confines of a traditional monogamous relationship, Mr. and Mrs. Jones offer a provocative glimpse into the steamy sex life of swingers.”
  • Dipsea: “It’s hard to talk about audio-based erotic entertainment without bringing up Dipsea, a female-founded platform that’s home to sexy stories meant to be listened to. It’s basically Audible, but for sex. Dipsea features a wide variety of sexy stories you can browse based on your gender identity, sexuality and even your current mood and surroundings.”

Whether you’re a page-turner or a discrete listener, erotica can help you get into the mood and focus on those moments of romance and excitement with your partner when the time is right. And once your libido is pumping, here are some products to reach for to keep the good vibes flowing:

Wicked Toy Breeze

Cool off any hot rendezvous with a dollop of Wicked Toy Breeze cooling lubricant. Wicked Toy Breeze is a thick, gel, water-based lubricant that uses peppermint oil to create a refreshing sensation for your “down there.” The thick gel consistency allows you to place the lubricant exactly where you want it to go (without the runny mess your typical lubricant can make.) Although this lubricant is great to use with toys, it is perfect for all kinds of sex. So get creative, and cool off with Wicked Toy Breeze.

On Ice

Want to try something with a little more power? Try the On Ice clitoral stimulation Gel. On Ice provides the perfect combination of cooling and buzzing stimulation. Just apply a pea-size amount of this powerful gel to the clitoris and within seconds you will begin to feel the intense combination. Powered by peppermint oil and a proprietary blend of natural ingredients, On Ice is truly unique. Combine On Ice with Wicked Toy Breeze to turn your hot spot into an icebox!

Blow Me Electric Mint

In this heat, even some hot, wet head sounds uncomfortable. Cool off with Blow Me, Electric Mint. Like with the Wicked Toy Breeze and On Ice, this delicious oral sex stimulant is perfect for adding a little something extra to your oral sex game. Just drizzle a little of this cool, tingling topical gel to the thing anywhere you like to be licked and kissed for a little extra zing to the thing if you know what we mean.

Icicles No. 88

The perfect summertime sex toy. The Icicles No. 88 has it all. First, it’s beautifully designed to stimulate the G-spot – with a curved head, and smooth ridges running along the shaft. Secondly, it has a great suction cup. Perfect for playing in the shower, or making the toy harness compatible. Lastly, its glass and glass can retain temperature. Try placing the Icicles No. 88 in a bowl of ice water for a few minutes before use for a chillingly erotic experience.

We-Vibe Melt

Melt for a totally different reason with the We-Vibe Melt air pleasure clitoral toy. The We-Vibe Melt uses pulses of air to gently caress the clitoris in a totally new way. Simply place the open face of the nozzle over the clitoris, for an airtight seal and hold on. Air pleasure toys have a reputation for providing fast and intense orgasms, and continued use of air pleasure toys actually makes the clitoris more sensitive. Win-win in our opinion!

Companion Panty Vibe

Heat up your summer night out with the Clandestine Companion panty vibe. This powerful clitoral bullet attaches to your favorite pair of panties with a very strong magnet. Then you or your partner can wear a discreet watch-like remote control to conveniently pleasure yourself anywhere. It’s the perfect Companion to heat up those summer date nights with.

Stardust Glam

It’s wouldn’t be Anal Health and Awareness Month if we didn’t talk about plugs! The Stardust Glam glass butt plug is beautiful, fun, and perfect for beginners. Like with the other Icicles toys, this glass butt plug can also be placed in ice water for a surprisingly cool and pleasurable experience. Perfect for those who are looking to add a little glitz and glam to their “chill” time.

Arcwave Ion

Air Pleasure toys are not just for clitorises anymore. The Arcwave Ion is the world’s first Air Pleasure toy for the penis. The Ion uses powerful pulses of air to stimulate the frenulum. The frenulum is the most sensitive part of the penis – the area on the underside of the penis where the shaft meets the head. The Arcwave Ion stimulates this area to provide an orgasm unlike any orgasm before. Experts say that the Ion provides the closest thing to a female orgasm a man can experience.

Have questions? Come in and see us! Everyone deserves great sex, and Velvet Box is proud to help you.

How do I know if they’re faking an orgasm?

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I think it’s safe to say we’ve all faked an orgasm before, but why? The phrase “fake it til you make it” shouldn’t apply to sex. Ever. So, why did we feel so inclined to say we did when we didn’t? In this insightful and educational blog, sexologist Dr. Marty Klein debunks why clitoris owners sometimes fake orgasms. It is an ideal read for partners of clitoris owners (and clitoris owners themselves) on why fake orgasms happen, along with partner-to-partner communication techniques and products to ensure they don’t happen. 

“How do I know if they’re faking orgasm?” is a question I receive a lot, and I am concerned when anyone asks. It suggests a breakdown in communication and probably a lack of trust, and those are both bigger issues than the orgasm itself. If that’s what’s going on, do address this.

Step one: ask. Don’t accuse; ask. Be curious. The question, by the way, is “How do I know when you come?” It’s a reasonable question if asked in a friendly way (and only once or twice, not every week).

Never assume a vulva owner is faking orgasm. Instead, remove the typical reasons they might do so, including:

  • *They feel pressured to come
  • *They can’t get the stimulation they need to orgasm
  • *They want a sexual session to be over, but they’re afraid to say so. Or they say so, and you insist on continuing
  • * They know how to orgasm, but you’d rather they orgasm in a different way.

Do you know how your partner has orgasms? Ask. Remember that some vulva owners climax from something in their vagina, while others (most, actually) do so from having their clitoris stimulated—whether by your hand, their hand, your mouth, or a toy.

Toys are a wonderful way for many vulva owners to climax. They’re reliable, and if their partner makes it emotionally safe, they can be a lovely way for partners to enjoy their climax together. Some partners enjoy the way vibrators can reduce the sense of responsibility they feel for a vulva owner’s orgasm. And two people talking about how to use one can enhance their intimacy along with her pleasure. 

For more information about female orgasm and vibrators that provide vaginal, clitoral, or combined stimulation, check out the wide range of toys at Velvet Box.”

  • Dr. Marty Klein is a Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist and Certified Sex Therapist in Palo Alto, CA.

No one should feel like they have to fake an orgasm, and we’re here to help. As Dr. Klein said, we carry a premiere – and most importantly effective – stock of sexpert recommended vibrators for both vulva owner and their partners to enjoy together. 

Cheers to real, pleasurable orgasms, y’all!

Everyone deserves great sex, and you deserve to know what works for you. Get brave and come see us at one of our five Dallas-Fort Worth locations. We’re proud to help you.

Is their vibrator replacing you?

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The age of the vibrator is very much here, and it doesn’t look like it’s going anywhere (thank goodness!). Vibrators are effective in reaching an orgasm, but with their rise in popularity, there are some aspects to consider regarding vibrators’ impact on couples’ sex lives. To get more insight on the matter, we asked sexologist Dr. Marty Klein the question many of you might be wondering – Is their vibrator replacing you?

“In a word, no. Here are some of the things you can do that the vibrator can’t:

Hug. Kiss. Tease. Care. For most people, those are very important parts of sex.

You have infinite ways of touching them and discovering new ways to do so. A toy can never match your software—you’re patient, encouraging, accepting, light-hearted. That’s what makes sex, um, sexy. If you doubt it, ask them.

As with so much of technology, the right hardware enhances our experience, rather than replacing one of us. So why not take advantage of a toy? It adds to your couples’ experience by providing stimulation at the right intensity and speed—without tiring out your fingers, hand, or arm. Or theirs. It gives them control of that stimulation—you’re not concerned about that, I hope—which can relieve any concerns either of you has about her climaxing.

And the right vibrator will enhance their private pleasure, too. The typical result? More interest in partner sex, presumably with you.

Velvet Box has a wide range of vibrators that are easy to hold, fun to use, and add to the sexual experience. They even carry couples-oriented toys that you can use together, providing a special zing for you, too.

If your partner uses a vibrator, either by themselves or with you, that suggests they take their pleasure and sexual intimacy seriously, which should delight you. Ask them any questions you have about it, including “If you have one of those, what do you need me for?” I bet they’ll be glad to tell you. 

Have them give you a tour of how their favorite toy works—including how they use it when they’re alone, which may give you a few new ideas. Make sure you get your eyes right down where the action is, and make sure there’s some light in the room so you can see what’s what. 

And remember—while vibrators are great for providing orgasms, orgasms are not the most important part of sex. Right?”

  • Dr. Marty Klein is a Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist and Certified Sex Therapist in Palo Alto, CA.

Sex toys are meant to enhance sex, rather than replace it, and we believe in providing individuals and partners with products that enhance intimacy and connection without isolation. Just like shopping for clothes, it’s not one size fits all! Come in and see us and explore your options – together.

Everyone deserves great sex, and you deserve to know what works for you. Get brave and come see us at one of our five Dallas-Fort Worth locations. We’re proud to help you.

Starting June 9 – Live AND Replay Online Classes! Info and FAQs

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Hi friend,

We have important and good news for you!

You’ve asked for online class replays, and we are answering. 

Starting with our June 9 Booty Basics class, you’ll now be able to attend the live online class and/or watch the replay!

Here’s what to expect.

  1. The first time you purchase a live or replay class, you will be prompted to create a Kajabi (our online course platform) account (simply your email, password, and name).
  2. Live classes will continue to be delivered via Zoom. Replays will be available on the Kajabi course platform. You’ll receive email notifications with viewing details for both.
  3. The replay will be available at 5 PM Central the Friday after the live online Wednesday class, and you will have 48 hours to watch the replay. If you purchased the replay, you will receive an email when the replay is available.

Thank you in advance for your patience as we migrate to this new platform. We can’t wait to continue rolling out new online courses for your education and exploration!

FAQs

  • Do I have to create a Kajabi account? Yes, to pay for a live or replay class, you have to have a Kajabi account.
  • Do I have to create a Kajabi account each time I purchase a class? No, once you have a Kajabi account, you will continue to use your email + password to log into Kajabi to purchase additional classes/courses, or to watch the replay classes.
  • Will I watch the live classes on Kajabi? No, once you pay for the class in Kajabi, you’ll receive Zoom credentials for the webinar. On the night of the class, use that link to watch the live class. If you want to watch the replay later, you’ll receive an email with replay information and log into Kajabi to watch it.
  • Will there still be class materials, product videos, and coupon codes? Yes! If you attend a live class, you’ll receive the materials that night. If you watch a replay, the materials will be alongside the replay video.
  • Is there a limit to number of attendees for live classes? Yes, we have a 100-attendee limit for our Zoom webinars. If we sell out, you will be directed to purchase the replay instead. Hurry and book your classes before we sell out!
  • Where do I sign up for classes? To see upcoming classes, always head over to our events page and calendar. You can sign up for each class on the individual event page, e.g. the specific Booty Basics event page.
  • How long do I have to watch the replay? Replays will be available two days after the class, and they will be available only for 48 hours.