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So you wanna talk dirty? Where do you start? How do you not feel like a complete idiot? What if you talk dirty and say the wrong thing? How do you talk dirty and not kill the mood?  I understand your pain. Let me break it down for you. There is no way around this, you will feel silly the first time. It will happen. Come to terms with this now. Ok? Ok. 

Now, are there words or phrases that will turn your partner from a hot sizzle to an popsicle? You don’t know? Don’t worry, I am here to help you. Now, generally we can agree there are words that will not activate those pleasure centers you are hoping for. Words like, “Yabbos”, “Fun Bags”, “Poop Shute” and “Tallywhacker”, are just some examples of this.  

I speak gererally, of course. For the 99% of people who do not find these words enticing, there is always the 1% who do. The Talk Sexy To Me excersize found here, is for all 100% of you. While I couldn’t include every dirty adjective ever used to describe sexual organs, I have left blank spaces. There you can fill in the dirty words to turn you on. 

Once you have learned what words get your partner hot and what words get you slapped, you can move on to how to implement those words.

*Pro-Tip – Looking for more words and phrases to blow your skirt up? Read some erotic books or short stories. Perhaps even venture into watching some porn or even steamier movies. There are lots of ways to find new words or phrases to turn you on. This can happen when you are looking and suprise you when you aren’t.

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Well hello, 2019! Yep, it’s a new year and you know what that means. You are going to vow to give up carbs, go to the gym more, to hang your clothes up instead of throwing them on “the chair” (we all have one) and dammit, when you go into Target you will only get what’s on your list, instead of the $300 of things that accidentally ended up in your cart. These are all good and fine, but what about resolutions for better orgasms and better sex?

1. Kegel your way to better orgasms and better health

I’m sure you’ve heard of Kegels, but do you really know what they are? Did you know that not only are Kegels amazing for your sex life but important to the health of your pelvic floor? So not only do Kegels feel amazing, but they make you tighter, make your orgasms stronger, sex generally more enjoyable, prevent things like vaginal prolapse and it can help prevent that whole pee when you cough, sneeze or laugh thing.

Kegels are not just for women either! Men can have some of the same amazing benefits from strong pelvic floor muscles as women. In addition to stronger harder erections. Who doesn’t want that?

You can read all about Kegels and Kegel balls here and here. Kegels are easy to forget to do. In order to keep you on track, set alerts on your phone and try doing them at the same times every day. I suggest putting in your Kegel balls while you brush your teeth and get ready in the morning. Create a routine.

2. Try something new or get better at something not so new.

Don’t let sex get boring and stale, try something new. “Don’t knock it until you try it twice.” This is not just the advice I give people about food but also about sex . ‘Why twice?’ you may ask. Well, just because you’ve had a bad burger doesn’t mean all burgers are bad, it could just be that the chef didn’t know how to prepare it correctly. So why not try a few new things in 2019? Maybe it’s a new position? Maybe you wanna try being bound or blindfolded? Touch yourself somewhere new, you may find a new favorite hot spot. Maybe the thought of anal or prostate play intrigues you? If you’d like to try anal or prostate play here is an article to get you started the right way. Remember if it hurts you’re doing it wrong. It can be anything. Just step out of your norm, whatever that may be, and try something new.

If not an entirely new subject, why not become a master at something you already love to do. Read a book or take a class on a skill you’d like to master. We have a wide array of classes on flirting and foreplay, oral sex, g-spot, prostate play etc.

“But Grace, I don’t need a class I’m so good I could teach it.” I hear this all the time. But every time I get that person to take one of our classes they say almost the same thing. “I thought I knew, but I had no idea!” You can check out the whole schedule here in our Sex Ed University.

3. Konmari those old sex toys and lingerie.

I’m sure everyone at this point everyone has heard of Mari Kondo and her Konmari method. If you haven’t watched the Netflix series or seen one or all of your friends doing Konmari before and after pics on social media, then let me give you the 411. Here is the gist; If you something doesn’t spark joy, get rid of it. So that old lingerie that is just not doing your body justice anymore, or that jelly rabbit you got 10 years ago when you watched that episode of Sex In The City, that bullet that dies every time you are almost there? Toss it. Get rid of it and replace it with something that will spark joy or in this case orgasms. Here are some suggestions on replacements.

Womanizer Liberty – Because 2019 should absolutely be the year of guaranteed orgasms!

Tenga Flip Zero – Because hello texture!

For more suggestions on new toys to replace those old ones check out our New & Naughty articles, there are many. You can start with a few here, here and here.

4. Get to know and love yourself

What do you like? Where do you like to be touched? Does porn turn you on? Do you get all hot and bothered reading erotica? Do you not know answers to some of these questions? In order to be able to communicate to your partner what you like and how you like it, you need to know. How do you find out? Well, masturbate more, watch porn, read erotica, read different kinds of erotica, try new toys. There are so many amazing new erotic stories and books for free online, you can try all kind of things without spending a dime. Think about the times that the sex was the best or your self-love session had you screaming your own name. Why was it good? What were you doing? Think about the parts of those scenarios that you can recreate and do it!

And guys and dolls, let me tell you to put on that lingerie and learn to love that body because it is gorgeous! Lingerie and sexy undies are not only for your partner but also for yourself. ‘I can’t wear lingerie. I’m too fat.’ or ‘My tummy isn’t flat enough.’ or ‘My ass is too big for that teddy.’. Honey, your partner has already seen you naked, you’re just gift wrapping their favorite goodies. It adds something new, and seeing your gorgeous self in the mirror or watching their jaws drop can make you feel like a million bucks!

5. Let’s Talk About Sex Baby

Haven’t you heard? Communication is sexy. How is your partner(s) supposed to know what you want if you can’t speak up and tell them? Talk to your partner about your fantasies. Don’t be afraid or embarrassed. Fantasies are perfectly normal and everyone has them. Who knows maybe your fantasies will align and then the possibilities are endless. Or even better, maybe they’ll introduce you to a hot new fantasy that you’ve never even thought of! Use all that information that you will learn from practicing number 4. Tell your partner what you like and what you don’t. Share with them the steamy parts of the erotica that’s making you so hot. Talk about introducing those new things we talked about in number 2. Whatever you do just communicate more.

6. NO MORE FAKING IT!

Ok guys and dolls, it’s 2019 and dammit you deserve actual orgasms. So, NO MORE FAKING IT! And ladies I’m not just talking to you. Would you be surprised to learn that both men fake it too? It’s true! No one wins when you fake it. When you fake it, you are telling your partner that all those positions, speeds, noises etc were exactly what you like, what gets your toes to curl and your back to arch. They really believe that they have done a phenomenal job. Why? Well because you told them so. They will continue to do all of these things that didn’t do anything for you because you gave an Oscar worthy, When Harry Met Sally, fake orgasm performance. You told them you loved it, gripped the sheets and screamed their name to drive that point home. Therefore sex with that person will most likely never get better, because they will never know the truth.

Who doesn’t want to learn to please their partner correctly? Your partner wants to please you, they care about your pleasure. Think of that bad lover you’ve had who swore all their old flames loved that swirly jack-rabbit move that you’re pretty sure permanantly damaged your internal organs. If ex-lovers wouldn’t have faked it, they wouldn’t still be pulling that in the sack. They would’ve learned something. So don’t fake it, it doesn’t serve you or anyone else. It makes you feel good and it makes them feel good for making you feel good. Real orgasms are infinitely better than fake ones.

7. Kick it old school.

According to surveys most people would ideally like between 20-25 minutes of foreplay. When asked how much they are actually getting most of those people said less than half of that if any. Why are we skipping foreplay? Foreplay makes the sex better. Don’t skip it. So let’s kick it old school and bring back making out, handjobs, fingering, oral sex and grinding on each other. Let’s “Netflix and chill”, send lots of sexy texts, cuddle and spend more time just touching each other. All of these things, the build-up, the heavy petting are what makes the actual sex part so much hotter.

This is especially the case for most women, because it takes us longer than men to get up the level of arousal needed to orgasm. So the better the foreplay the better the orgasm. Sometimes the foreplay is even better than the sex and there is nothing wrong with that at all.

This is especially perfect for couples who have been together for a long time. Drop the kids off at the sitter’s and get hot and heavy in the car before getting busy in the bedroom. Wear that lingerie and those sexy undies. Send each other suggestive selfies and texts while at work and build up to what happens after that movie you didn’t actually watch because you were too busy making out like you were 17 again. Flirt with each other and keep that spark alive and don’t let the foreplay die!

8. Stay Sexy & Be Safe

Let’s not forget to stay safe and sexy out there. Get tested often and use protection, every time. The CDC reports that there are 110 million STI cases with 20 million new cases annually. One study reports that 48% of sexually active people polled, said they never or rarely used condoms. Obviously condom free sex feels better, but is it worth the risk?

Our hope for you is that you will have the best orgasms of your life so far in 2019. Be that in or out of a relationship. Psychologists say that in order for resolutions like these to work, you should try to space them out, implementing one new thing at a time. So pick one of our 8 2019 Sex Resolutions and get this year headed the in right direction. If you don’t know where to start stop by any Velvet Box location and we can help you out. Treat your partner or treat yourself to a new toy, take one of our classes or just talk to each other. You can thank us later.

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