For Her

Did you know that one of the most googled questions about sex is “Why do women like anal sex?”
And most of the time when you ask women about anal sex, you will generally get one of the following responses:
1. “NOPE! That’s a hard pass! Never done it. Never gonna do it. No Thanks!”
2. “Ow! Never Again! Tried it once and it was so painful!”
3. “Yes! Knock on my backdoor!”

Anal sex is on the rise. According to Pornhub.com, from 2009 to 2015, anal sex videos have grown in popularity by 120%. And while in some circles it is still considered taboo, our society has become a lot more comfortable with butt stuff. It is one of the questions ladies ask me the most about. Well, that and “is there a G-spot map or something I can give my man?” We will address this later as it deserves its own article.

Most of the time, women’s first experiences with anal sex are not great. This may be due to feeling pressured, lack of lubrication, intoxication, moving too fast or they started with full penile penetration (which you should never do). When done correctly, anal sex should NOT be painful! I know! This is always a real shock to everyone in camps 1 or 2. But it’s true. If it hurts, you’re doing it wrong and you should stop or slow down. All of this comes from a lack of conversation and education.

So why DO women like anal? There are many answers to this. Let’s start at the beginning.

The Anatomy

The anal cavity has a ton of nerve endings that directly connect to the pleasure centers in the brain. And while women do not have prostates like men, they can still experience an immense amount of pleasure from backdoor stimulation. Some women can even orgasm from anal sex alone!

I went out and asked a few women about anal sex and here is what they had to say about it.

“Anal makes me feel powerful. I like that it’s a completely different sensation than vaginal penetration. And honestly, the taboo of it makes it more fun.” – Kiley

“I love it with a vibrator on my clitoris. It’s overwhelming and when I orgasm, it’s phenomenal.” – Merita

“As a submissive type, I like the power it gives to my partner…” – Lindsey

“IT FEELS F’N FANTASTIC.” – Holly

“With him in vaginally and a toy in anally. It makes me feel tighter and I can feel EVERYTHING! The orgasms are so much more intense for him and for me.” – Allie

“The first time I did it, I was 16 and it was awful! It was so painful and embarrassing. However, as an adult, I learned to do it the right way and now I LOVE IT! It feels incredible. It’s almost overwhelming how good it feels sometimes.” – Sarah

What Is The “Right Way”?

1. First things first, RELAX! If you aren’t relaxed you aren’t getting in back there easily or painlessly. So MORE FOREPLAY! The more foreplay you have, the more turned on you become and can help with relaxation. Also, get your partner to give you a massage. Just really let yourself relax.

2. NEVER start with full penis or deep penetration. That’s gonna hurt! And NEVER surprise anal sex on a partner.

3. LUBE IT UP! The anal cavity doesn’t naturally produce moisture back there so lube is imperative. Lube yourself, lube the toy, LUBE IT ALL! We suggest a product like Wicked Anal Jelly. The additional thickness provides a nice cushion and comfortable feel. It is also water-based and compatible with all silicone toys.

4. NEVER EVER NUMB THE AREA. If it hurts, you’re doing it wrong. Stop! You need to be able to feel what is going on back there. You risk tearing and causing damage.

5. We suggest anal training with plugs. Start with a small anal plug. This plug is about the size of an index finger. It has a tapered design that starts small at the top and gradually gets a wee bit larger with a nice flared base that fits perfectly between the cheeks. Cleanliness is of utmost importance. The simplest and most convenient approach to keeping toys clean is to put a condom on your toy every time you play. Refrain from putting toys in vaginal area or switching back and forth, as this can cause spread of bacteria.

If vibration is your thing, try a vibrating plug! Maybe one with a remote so you don’t have to be in an advanced yoga pose to change the vibe pattern.

6. Start shallow. In the beginning, everything should be SLOW and SHALLOW. Just the tip of the toy or finger to start with. Tease yourself slowly, massaging the lubricant around and into yourself. Maintain steady breathing, and when you’re ready, exhale and begin to slide your finger in. Maintain a relaxed pace. Again, if anything hurts or causes your muscles to tense up, slow down, stop moving, or stop altogether. Go slow and breathe.

7. ALL TOYS USED FOR ANAL SEX MUST HAVE A SECURE FLARED BASE! This is one of the most important things we teach our staff and  clients. While the vagina is like a cul-de-sac where nothing will get lost, the anal cavity is the complete opposite. There is nothing  that stops the toy from continuing to travel and get lost if not anchored outside the body. This can result in a trip to the E.R. Make sure your toy has a secure base or hilt to anchor it outside the body. Should you need more convincing or just want a laugh, here is one of our favorite videos about E.R. stories:

8. When buying toys, don’t be afraid to go into a store and see your options! Much like women’s clothes, brands can range in sizes, colors and material.  When you order a ‘small’ plug, you don’t wanna and up with this little guy.

9. Practice makes perfect! Don’t give up after the first time. Nothing is amazing the first time. Just don’t knock it ’til you try it twice.

10. Try stimulating multiple areas at a time. While some women can orgasm from anal stimulation alone, it most often feels best when paired with clitoral, vaginal or nipple stimulation. Mix and match until you find the combo thats just right for you.

So many ways to mix and match. Beads, plugs, vibrating, non-vibrating, gems, tails all in various shapes and sizes. Let our product experts help you find the right one!