Communication Tools

Is your to-do list killing your sex life?

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Picture this: you’re in bed with your significant other, things are getting hot and heavy, and the moment you are about to have sex, a memory of work flashes into your head, or you spy the dirty laundry on the floor you meant to do last week. Next thing you know, sex isn’t even on your mind anymore. Sound familiar?

Several life factors can contribute to low libido, and responsibility is at the very top of the list. Having work, family, and household chores top of mind is not the golden ticket to getting in the mood for sex. Here, our resident sexologist Dr. Celeste Holbrook shares science-backed insight on why resolving your responsibilities outside of the bedroom can lead to increased libido, as well as a list of action items you can do to help you get there. 

Is your to-do list killing your sex life?

Did you know responsibility is the greatest killer of arousal? That means, when you are thinking about your work contracts, the laundry, or that call to your mother, your brain will find it difficult to focus on getting in the mood for sex. If you think about it, pleasure is the opposite of responsibility. Pleasure is a healthy sense of irresponsibility. Pleasure doesn’t outright have a purpose other than pleasure…and that can feel frivolous. But that helps us see how removing responsibilities from your thoughts is one of the ways you can step into your pleasure. It’s easier said than done, so here is a list of ways that you can unhinge your to-do’s and lock in to your pleasure. 

1. Create a sexy, serene bedroom by removing the computer, bins of laundry, and pics of your kids from your nightstand.

2. Make sure your toys are charged and cleaned after every use, so you know they are good to go and you aren’t worried about them dying mid-orgasm.

3. Communicate with your partner earlier in the day about what is on your mind. Talk about what is making you anxious, frustrated or excited about the upcoming days or weeks and then resolve to leave those thoughts outside of your bedroom door during sex.

4. If you have kids, take some time to separate from the responsibility of caregiving by going for a walk, taking a bath or letting your partner put them to bed while you go to dinner on your own. 

5. Practice pleasure in other ways. Have an impromptu dance party in the mirror. Indulge in your favorite scent. Put your feet in the grass and look up at the clouds for a full 5 minutes.  Practicing pleasure in more accessible ways can help you step into pleasure in your bedroom.

  • Dr. Celeste Holbrook

At Velvet Box, it is our passion to help individuals just like you to achieve the intimacy and connection you deserve. While you work your way through this list, treat yourself to one of our webinars, communication tools, and or vibes to help you along the way. 

Go from To-Do to To-Daaaaang

  1. Need assistance creating a sexy bedroom? Our recent webinar, Build a Sexy Bedroom is available for on-demand purchase.
  2. Sex toys can bring more than just good vibes. Add a bit of vibration or air pulse technology, and you can experience more orgasms, even during penetrative sex. Treat yourself to a new vibe from our Expert Picks selection!
  3. Communication is lubrication. If you need extra guidance when talking to your partner, check out one of our many Communication Tools to get you started. 
  4. While your partner is taking care of the kids, get in the mood during your time alone with some lingerie. When you feel sexy, sex feels sexy.

View our full class catalog here and our online store here.

About Dr. Celeste Holbrook

Many of you may know our resident sexologist, Dr. Celeste Holbrook. Whether it’s through one or many of our intimacy classes with her, or perhaps you’ve been following her incredible Instagram all along (if not, we highly recommend you give her a follow). But for those who may not know her yet, Dr. Holbrook is a sexologist, speaker, and author who has dedicated her life to helping women achieve soul-centered sex through perfectly planned mental and behavioral changes. Learn more about Celeste and her journey as a sexologist on her website at drcelesteholbrook.com.

New sex ed and intimacy classes coming soon!

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At Velvet Box, we pride ourselves on providing incredible sexual education resources for individuals from every generation to grow in intimate connection and learn about their sexuality and needs in a safe, fun, and educational way. That’s why we’re back with new live classes for you, your partner, and others to learn about informative topics from the comfort of your own home.

Our most recent live class, Everything P0rn Didn’t Teach You was a hit, and we’re excited to share that we have more coming your way! Mark your calendars for our informative lineup of classes debuting on the second Tuesday of each month.

Note: Each participant’s name and identity are anonymous when joining the class.

April 12th – Your First Time – Click Here to Register

Nervous about having sex for the first time? You aren’t alone!  Most of us aren’t given a type of sexual education that helps us navigate pleasure and communication in our first sexual experience. Join this webinar to discover what to expect and how to be an advocate for your own pleasure from day one.

In this class, participants will:

1. Explore how to create a sexual ethic that can help you make sexual choices perfectly suited to you.

2. Discover what to expect your first time having sex.

3. Learn about and practice consent. 

May 10th – Raising Sexually Healthy Kids

Many of us want to give our kids more helpful sex education than we received from our parents…but where do you start?  Join our webinar to discover the small but meaningful steps you can take to ensure your kids are gaining the information they need to make healthy sexual choices for themselves. 

In this class, participants will:

1. Explore how your own sexual shame and experiences impact our education to our children. 

2. Discover authentic sexual communication that builds sexually resilient kids.

3. Identify how to discuss sex throughout different childhood ages. 

June 14th – Post-Partum – stay tuned for more information!

July 12th – 5 Sexual Myths – stay tuned for more information!

For the past 12 years, we’ve enjoyed being a part of your journey to intimate connection and sexual growth more than you know, and we look forward to having you with us on this next chapter of education! 

Can’t want to wait for our new courses to become available? Check out our on-demand course catalog with something for everyone.

Everyone deserves great sex, and you deserve to know what works for you. Get brave and come see us at one of our five Dallas-Fort Worth locations. We’re proud to help you.

3 ways to have the best sex of your life this year

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It’s 2022, and if we learned anything from the prior year it’s that the dialogue around sex and sexuality has grown into one that is open, popular, and – quite frankly – the new norm. We pride ourselves on being part of a modern evolution in which there are incredible resources for individuals from every generation to grow in intimate connection and learn about their own sexuality and needs in a safe and educational way. 

If prioritizing your sex life is a part of your New Year’s Resolutions, consider this your golden ticket to experiencing sensual and intimate pleasure in your body, soul, and partnerships. From communication tools to educational classes to utilizing industry experts as a source of advice and guidance on your road to sexual exploration, here are 3 ways you can have the best sex of your life this year. 

1. Talk about sex more

Communication both in and out of the bedroom is the most important aspect when trying to build intimacy in a partnership. Start discussing the things you like and want, and the things you don’t. However, we understand that it can be difficult to break down the barrier if sex isn’t normally a topic of discussion. If you need help on where to start, explore our communication tools for inspiration!

2. Explore what sparks your curiosity

Anal? Role play? Bondage? If there’s something outside your normal sex routine that you’re wanting to explore, there is no time like the present. You deserve sexual fulfillment, and it all begins with learning about it in a safe and educational way! If you’re looking for the entryway into the discussion with your partner, skip the fathomless internet and suggest you watch one of our on-demand classes on whatever you’re wanting to explore. From Booty Basics to Get Kinky to our all encompassing Spice Things Up bundle, our classes are the perfect, anonymous setting to start diving into new experiences – together.

3. Commit to some novelty in the bedroom

A great way to start having consistently great sex is by building a routine. Scheduling sex is a good idea, and commiting to trying something new each month or so is a great one. Try a new toy or product each month and commit to integrating it into your sex life and experience the new thrills you’re yearning for! For expert knowledge on everything from lube to vibrators, come into one of our 5 DFW locations and talk to one of our amazing trained sex-perts. There’s no need to be shy, we promise.

Commit to yourself and your pleasure this year. You don’t need a reason to, but if you’re looking for one, it’s because you deserve it. 

Everyone deserves great sex, and you deserve to know what works for you. Get brave and come see us at one of our five Dallas-Fort Worth locations. We’re proud to help you.

Building Intimacy through Eye Gazing: An Exercise

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It can often be difficult to feel truly connected during sex. Your mind can wander. Sometimes it feels like a task or chore that we are just checking off the list. You just don’t feel as present as you’d like to. Sound familiar?

According to Sex Therapist Dr. Celeste Holbrook, being present is the key to sensuality. Sensuality is by definition “enjoying your senses.” But you cannot enjoy your senses in the future or in the past. You have to be in the moment. 

Here, Dr. Holbrook has provided a quick exercise to sink into the moment prior to sex with your partner using your sense of vision. It is an eye gazing exercise that helps you direct your most highly relied upon sense (your eyesight) into the present. Note: This is a very intimate activity, so only start with 10 seconds.

Here is how you do it:

  1. Sit down comfortably, facing your partner.
  2. Set the timer. You may choose anywhere from 10 seconds to 10 minutes. Start with a time that feels comfortable but somewhat challenging and work up. The longer, the more powerful the experience.
  3. Gaze into the eyes of your partner. You can blink at any point, it’s not a staring competition.
  4. If you get distracted, simply bring back your awareness to the eyes of your partner.
  5. After the experience is over, grab a piece of paper and draw / write about how you are feeling.
  6. Talk about the experience with your partner…you may want to write down a few things in your journal immediately and talk about the experience later. That is okay. Just be sure to debrief at some point.

A note from Dr. Holbrook

Please know that this can be uncomfortable. If you think about it, we don’t sit and look at each other without the help of words to smooth the depth of the connection. But the important part is that you try. Try connecting in this way, on your bed, clothes on or off, before sex. After you get more comfortable with it, it will feel like a beautiful, intimate reset button. It is grounding, it is connective and it is happy!

You deserve to experience the intimacy you’re longing for, and Velvet Box is proud to provide you with resources to further your journey. For more information on building intimacy with your partner, view our Building Intimacy Checklist.

Everyone deserves great sex, and you deserve to know what works for you. Get brave and come see us at one of our five Dallas-Fort Worth locations. We’re proud to help you.

The Importance of Communication in a Relationship

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For over the past 10 years, Velvet Box has helped thousands of people overcome sexual barriers so they can experience the connection and excitement they deserve and have always wanted. Today, we’re letting you in on sex therapists’ top tips on how to experience the connection and sexual fulfillment you’re looking for in your relationship. Enter: the importance of communication. 

Why is communication important?

Communication is vital for building and sustaining a healthy relationship both in and outside of the bedroom. Lack of communication can lead to a disconnect between partners, even if it’s not obvious right away. Just as we strive to change the narrative around sex and sexual wellness through open dialogue, it’s important that you communicate with your partner (and yourself) about your personal and sexual needs and desires in order to nurture your relationship and avoid discourse now and in the future.

Here, with the help of Dr. Marty Klein’s “8 Ways to Put Sex Therapists Out of Business” article, we answer why having open communication about sex (and everything else!) with your partner is important and advice to get you started. 

Communication closes the gap between questions and answers

Does your partner know how you like to be touched when having sex? Do they know that you need a little extra stimulation to orgasm? Do you know if your partner likes it when you go down on them? In the words of Dr. Klein, “the answer to many, many questions is simply ‘talk to your partner.’ And do it more than once.” Take the time to sit down and talk about these things with your partner outside of the bedroom. Chances are you aren’t the only one who has questions.

To get going, try bringing our Teach Me Your Love Language communication tool to the table. For those who need a little extra help (and that’s quite a lot of us!) to achieve a full orgasm, try adding one (or all) of these into the mix: We Vibe Pivot, Womanizer Premium Eco, Wicked Gel Lubricant.

Communication can lead to more sexual fulfillment

It’s totally normal to feel vulnerable or insecure about your (or your partner’s) desires and fantasies, but as long as everyone is on the same page with safety and consent, there’s no need to. According to Dr. Klein, a “fantasy is a way to ‘experience’ things without any real-world consequences. Thus, fantasy is a library of human sexual imagination. No one fantasizes about things they can easily do in real life.” Of course, your fantasies might seem weird at first – they’re from your imagination! If you have a desire or fantasy that can’t be lived out without the help of your partner, tell them about it and ask them if they have any you can help with, too. Try using our Sexual Interest Inventory communication tool to get started. You might find that you both fantasize about the same things, or create a new, shared fantasy altogether. It takes two to tango! 

When exploring your fantasies or trying new things in the bedroom, remember to always practice Aftercare to ensure both parties involved feel safe, comfortable, and listened to.

Communication can help to overcome sexual setbacks

There are many reasons why penetrative sex may not be an option (erectile dysfunction, painful vagina, or someone just isn’t in the mood). So if you want intercourse but can’t have it, talking to your partner about trying out other options is far healthier for your relationship than just stopping in frustration. In the words of Dr. Klein, “if two people want to have sex, and they can’t do the thing they planned to do, there are plenty of alternatives.” Find out what intimate acts you can do to satisfy each other when penetrative sex isn’t an option. Is it massaging in a certain spot? Find out with our How to Touch Me tool. Is it adding the use of a toy? If so, sit down with your partner and explore all that we have to offer in the For Us category of our online shop. 

So, what have we learned?

Above all else, always keep in mind our favorite phrase: communication is lubrication. And that applies to both in and outside of the bedroom. Communication is the basis of all human interaction, and having an open conversation about sex with your partner should be no different than asking them how their day went. However, we understand that isn’t always that simple. So if you need a little extra confidence to initiate a conversation, our communication tools are tremendously helpful. 

Everyone deserves great sex, and you deserve to know what works for you. Get brave and come see us at one of our five Dallas-Fort Worth locations. We’re proud to help you.

Foreplay – New Communication Tool

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They say life is all about the journey rather than the destination, and sex is no different. According to Dr. Celeste Holbrook, when asked what their favorite part of engaging in sexual pleasure is, almost 100% of women answer the “arousal” period (i.e. “the journey”), rather than the orgasm (i.e. “the destination”). This “arousal” period is also known as Foreplay. 

What is Foreplay?

Foreplay is any sexual activity that precedes intercourse. Consider it the warm-up before the main event. Athletes don’t just run out on the field blindly – they try new plays, then review the tape and make adjustments as needed. That’s why Foreplay and Aftercare are the bookends to sex.

The Importance of Foreplay

Many women find it impossible to orgasm, which is linked to a lack of time and space to fully relax and let the mind go and very little to do with physical ability. That’s where foreplay comes in. Couples who engage in Foreplay report having a happier sexual relationship than those who do not make time for it. You don’t want to take any shortcuts and decrease your opportunity to access deep states of orgasm, so take the time to engage and enjoy the journey!

Getting Started

Like any other sexual activity, foreplay is grounded in communication. Talk to your partner about both of your wants and needs, and review our new communication tool below for guidance. Take it slow, rev the engines, and remember that long-lasting foreplay is more important than keeping it up and going all night. 

Communication Tools

Download our new Communication Tool, which includes different types of Foreplay and options to consider. Also, check out our Top Sexpert Tip below for how to ensure you fully engage in foreplay for the right amount of time.

Top Sex-pert Tip

Statistically, both men and women agree that 20-30 minutes of foreplay is ideal, but that can seem like a long time. How do you know you’ve met the mark? Setting a timer on your phone isn’t sexy, so we recommend making a sexy soundtrack playlist of songs that always get you in the mood. Have your playlist last 20-30 minutes and when you hear the first song repeat itself, then you know enough time has passed. You can now move on to intercourse if you choose.

Have questions or need more guidance? Stop by one of our five Velvet Box locations to talk to one of our intimacy specialists, review more of our Communication Tools, or read up on all of our Health & Wellness Resources we have to offer!

To your connection and excitement,
Your friendly Velvet Box sex-perts