Picture this: you’re in bed with your significant other, things are getting hot and heavy, and the moment you are about to have sex, a memory of work flashes into your head, or you spy the dirty laundry on the floor you meant to do last week. Next thing you know, sex isn’t even on your mind anymore. Sound familiar?
Several life factors can contribute to low libido, and responsibility is at the very top of the list. Having work, family, and household chores top of mind is not the golden ticket to getting in the mood for sex. Here, our resident sexologist Dr. Celeste Holbrook shares science-backed insight on why resolving your responsibilities outside of the bedroom can lead to increased libido, as well as a list of action items you can do to help you get there.
Is your to-do list killing your sex life?
Did you know responsibility is the greatest killer of arousal? That means, when you are thinking about your work contracts, the laundry, or that call to your mother, your brain will find it difficult to focus on getting in the mood for sex. If you think about it, pleasure is the opposite of responsibility. Pleasure is a healthy sense of irresponsibility. Pleasure doesn’t outright have a purpose other than pleasure…and that can feel frivolous. But that helps us see how removing responsibilities from your thoughts is one of the ways you can step into your pleasure. It’s easier said than done, so here is a list of ways that you can unhinge your to-do’s and lock in to your pleasure.
1. Create a sexy, serene bedroom by removing the computer, bins of laundry, and pics of your kids from your nightstand.
2. Make sure your toys are charged and cleaned after every use, so you know they are good to go and you aren’t worried about them dying mid-orgasm.
3. Communicate with your partner earlier in the day about what is on your mind. Talk about what is making you anxious, frustrated or excited about the upcoming days or weeks and then resolve to leave those thoughts outside of your bedroom door during sex.
4. If you have kids, take some time to separate from the responsibility of caregiving by going for a walk, taking a bath or letting your partner put them to bed while you go to dinner on your own.
5. Practice pleasure in other ways. Have an impromptu dance party in the mirror. Indulge in your favorite scent. Put your feet in the grass and look up at the clouds for a full 5 minutes. Practicing pleasure in more accessible ways can help you step into pleasure in your bedroom.
- Dr. Celeste Holbrook
At Velvet Box, it is our passion to help individuals just like you to achieve the intimacy and connection you deserve. While you work your way through Dr. Holbrook’s list, treat yourself to one of our webinars, communication tools, and or vibes to help you along the way.
Go from To-Do to To-Daaaaang
- Need assistance creating a sexy bedroom? Our recent webinar, Build a Sexy Bedroom is available for on-demand purchase.
- Sex toys can bring more than just good vibes. Add a bit of vibration or air pulse technology, and you can experience more orgasms, even during penetrative sex. Treat yourself to a new vibe from our Expert Picks selection!
- Communication is lubrication. If you need extra guidance when talking to your partner, check out one of our many Communication Tools to get you started.
- While your partner is taking care of the kids, get in the mood during your time alone with some lingerie. When you feel sexy, sex feels sexy.
About Dr. Celeste Holbrook
Many of you may know our resident sexologist, Dr. Celeste Holbrook. Whether it’s through one or many of our intimacy classes with her, or perhaps you’ve been following her incredible Instagram all along (if not, we highly recommend you give her a follow). But for those who may not know her yet, Dr. Holbrook is a sexologist, speaker, and author who has dedicated her life to helping women achieve soul-centered sex through perfectly planned mental and behavioral changes. Learn more about Celeste and her journey as a sexologist on her website at drcelesteholbrook.com.