Lauren Cockerell

Aftercare – New Communication Tool

February 17, 2021 by Lauren Cockerell

We’re always on the hunt for new ways to help inspire excitement and connection in your lives, and we know our communication tools are tremendously helpful. At Velvet Box, we’re passionate about providing resources and care to help build intimacy and create comfortable and safe spaces for all, both before and during sex, as well as after. Today we are discussing the importance of post-sex communication, also known as Aftercare.

What Is Aftercare?

Aftercare is common in the kink community, but it is not just limited to kink. It is talking, laughing, crying, discussing what went well (or what didn’t go well), and taking care of yourself and your partner after sex. Sex ends abruptly, so Aftercare is about pampering and nurturing one another. It includes verbal communication as well as non-verbal communication, such as cuddling, touching, kissing, and caressing, and even gestures like taking a shower, having a snack, or taking alone time to digest what just happened.

The Importance of Aftercare

The purpose of Aftercare is to make sure all parties involved leave the interaction in a positive mental state and feel comfortable post-intimacy. For example, you may have tried a new position, method, or toy that you either loved, didn’t love, or maybe something just went wrong. Enter: Aftercare. Aftercare can help to relieve underlying sexual shame and makes for stronger emotional bonds. It is about being vulnerable in the blissful moments of afterglow (or embarrassment) and not taking each other for granted.

Initiating Aftercare

Aftercare is an essential part of understanding each other’s needs and respecting one another, and it all begins with communication. Whether you are new to Aftercare or practice it regularly, take the time to review our new Aftercare Communication Tool below for guidance.

Communication Tools

Download our Aftercare Communication Tool, which includes different types of Aftercare and various questions to consider when practicing it.

Have questions or need more guidance? Stop by one of our five Velvet Box locations to talk to one of our intimacy specialists, review more of our Communication Tools, or read up on all of our Health & Wellness Resources we have to offer!

To your connection and excitement,
Your friendly Velvet Box sex-perts

Top 4 Types of Lube – And Why You Need Them All!

December 28, 2020 by Lauren Cockerell

Honey, put down that drug store lube and join us in the land of the silky, slippery, high quality lubricant. You may be thinking: “wait, there’s more than one type of lube?” Oh yes indeed. Depending on what you’re putting where and for how long, as well as what sensation you’re going for, there’s a lube for everyone, and here’s an introduction. Come on into one of our stores to test them out, ask us anything, and leave excited to try something new! Or, shop online in the privacy of your own home. Your new favorite lube awaits.

First, why use lubricant?

Vaginal lubrication cannot be counted on to show up right on cue. It’s a myth that natural vaginal lubrication is a reliable indicator of the level of arousal.
Use lubricant around the genitals, between thighs, and anywhere else for less friction and a more sensual experience.
If a partner is well endowed or a toy is on the larger side, lubricant will make the experience more pleasant.
Condoms can be absorbent. This can cause dryness and uncomfortable friction. Adding a drop of condom-compatible lubricant to the inside and outside of the condom can enhance pleasure for both partners.
Many sex toys can absorb moisture during ordinary use. Lubricant will definitely make play time with all your sex toys more fun.
Flavored lubricant can enhance foreplay.
Healthy anal penetration of any sort requires lubricant because the rectum does not produce its own lubricant.
Spit is not lubricant! Saliva may work for a few seconds before it dissipates but no one is hydrated enough to produce the amount of saliva needed for truly satisfying sex.

Water-Based Lube

What you need to know

Water-based lubricant makes up the majority of lubricant available on the market. Most water-based lubricants contain purified water, glycerin (provides slipperiness), preservatives and occasionally artificial flavoring.
All water-based lubricants become sticky because the water portion of the lubricant has been absorbed by the body or evaporates. You can rehydrate the skin as lubricant starts to dry by keeping a small water bottle nearby. A cool mist of water helps to reactivate the lubricant and also feels great. The mist can be quite sensual and to the overall experience.
Why not KY? Lubricants designed specifically with sex in mind last longer than jelly lubricants produced by the medical industry, which are made for slipping in a rectal thermometer.
Water based lubricants are safe with all sex toys and are condom compatible.

Pros

Latex safe
Compatible with all toys
Does not stain
Washes away with water

Cons

Can get a little sticky after use
Dries out faster than other lube bases
May cause irritation to those with sensitive skin

Recommended Products

Sliquid Sea (In-store purchase only; visit one of our 5 DFW-area locations today!)

Wicked Jelle

Water Slide

Silicone-Based Lube

What you need to know

Silicone-based lubricant lasts far longer than the average sexual encounter and is latex safe. Silicone lubricant does not get absorbed into the skin. It’s composed of molecules larger than those of water, and those molecules skate on top of the skin, creating a layer of slickness second to none. Because silicone lubricant does not contain water, it virtually never dries out and is great for water play. Warm water and soap work best for clean-up. If used internally, the body will eliminate it by natural means.

Silicone lubricant is NOT compatible with most sex toys. When the two touch, a chemical change occurs, rendering the toy eternally gummy. Take care not to get silicone lubricant on sheets/fabric, as it will stain.

Pros

Long lasting
Never sticky
No taste
Safe for latex
Good for water play, just put it on before you get wet.

Cons

NOT compatible with most sex toys
Stains fabric
Requires soap and water to clean off

Recommended Products

Uber lube (In-store purchase only; visit one of our 5 DFW-area locations today!)

Intimate Earth Elite

Hybrid Lube

What you need to know

Hybrids are water-based lubricant fortified with silicone, so it delivers longer lasting moisture than the average water-based formula. Hybrid lubricant will wash away easily with warm water and won’t stain your sheets. It’s the best of both worlds!

Plus, any silky, creamy hybrid lubricant can be used as a vaginal moisturizer for people experiencing painful intercourse or ongoing discomfort.

Pros

Sex toy compatible
Less likely to be sticky
Long lasting
Washes away with water
Great as a daily vaginal moisturizer

Cons

This base is the most processed and unnatural
Patch test your toy first to be sure of compatibility

Recommended Products

Sliquid Silk

Naked Silk (In-store purchase only; visit one of our 5 DFW-area locations today!)

Wicked Hybrid

Oil Based Lubricant

What you need to know

While we don’t generally carry oil-based lube, we want to make sure you know the facts. Petroleum based oil lubricants are for penile masturbation only. Coconut oil or olive oil are options (you might find these in CBD lube blends, for instance) for something more natural; more people are experimenting with these oils you might find in your kitchen cabinets, though there aren’t any studies on long-term use of these oils as a lubricant. Some people find it to be a

more affordable lubricant that can be had in large quantities. However, natural oils that do not contain preservatives can go rancid and careful attention needs to be paid to freshness.

Pros

Coconut oil is also an antifungal, antibacterial, and antiviral which can kill the good bacteria that are needed in the vagina.
Long lasting
All natural (excluding petroleum based)

Cons

Not safe for use with sex toys or condoms.
Stains fabric
NOT condom compatible
NOT latex safe
NOT toy compatible

So, there you have it! And remember, this is a very high-level look at an almost-endless spectrum of lubricants. There is absolutely a perfect lube out there for your needs and desires. (In fact, we bet you’ll have more than one go-to once you visit us to learn more!)

From Purity Culture To Pleasure

October 16, 2020 by Lauren Cockerell

How purity culture can affect adult sexuality, and how you can heal from it.

Over the past 10 years, Velvet Box has been helping thousands of people overcome sexual stigma and experience connection, education and excitement. And, as we continue this journey with you, we are excited to announce that we are diving into a new topic with the help of instructor Dr. Celeste Holbrook: today we’re talking about purity culture, and how it can affect adult sexuality.

So, what exactly is “purity culture”, how does it affect sexuality, and how can you heal from it?

What is purity culture?

Over on her blog and on a variety of podcasts, Dr. Holbrook has been discussing the modern purity culture and how it has affected the sexual education and sexuality of individuals since the “free love” movement of the 1960s. This propelled a counter era of the late ‘80’s and 90’s based on the evangelical Christian message of sexual “purity”. “Out of this need for control over Christian sex grew ‘purity culture,’ or the idea that one could be ‘pure’ in the eyes of God by refraining from sexual thought or action until the wedding night,” stated Holbrook in her blog.

How purity culture can affect sexuality?

Messages of purity can have a deep and long term effect on sexual thoughts, behaviors and confidence. After listening to more than 10,000 women, Holbrook studied Religious Trauma Syndrome and found significant connections between purity messaging in youth and sexuality as an adult. “I see many women in my practice who experience low libido and painful sex. Most of them have a background of messages that indicate sex is dangerous,” Holbrook states in her “Sex is dangerous, they said” post. Other messages include “You are responsible for arousing men sexually,” which can lead to “sex feels like a responsibility or a chore – something on the to-do list.” Sound familiar?

How to heal from purity culture?

While the modern “purity culture” has evolved over the past 40 years, the idea of social purity dates back to the beginning of the 19th century. How does one overcome an ideology ingrained in our culture for the past 220 years? We’ve outlined a few tips to help you begin your journey to pleasure, from education and classes to toys and intimacy advice.

Take the time to dive into Dr. Celeste Holbrook’s research on the purity culture via the links below:

Stop by one of our five Velvet Box locations to talk to one of our intimacy specialists.

Check out the following communication tools and recommended toys.

Communication Tools

Here are two great worksheets to help you communicate your desires and your comfort.

Sexual Interest Inventory

How to Touch Me

Ideal Toys for Getting Started

Lubricant

It is a myth that a woman’s natural lubrication will show up on cue (similar to the myth that a man can always achieve or maintain an erection when he wants to). So it’s handy to always keep a bottle of lube nearby for when you are ready for play. Lubricant can also help if you are experiencing pain or discomfort during sex because it creates a barrier between the skin and significantly reduces friction and micro-tearing. Think of it like oil for your engine; you want those pistons running smoothly. I suggest a hybrid lubricant – either the gels or the creams – because they are very wet, and they tend to last longer because of their thicker consistency. Also, they are compatible with silicone toys.

Bullet

Society has always been harder on a woman’s personal sexual exploration than they are on a man’s. As a result, many women have never learned to masturbate. If you don’t know what works for you, then you’ll struggle to show your partner what you like and need. Fun fact: over 80% of women achieve orgasm from clitoral stimulation alone. If you are one of those women (and you likely are), then you need a bullet. A bullet is your best friend. They are small, discrete, and typically more powerful than they look. Plus, you can use it to explore pleasure points all over the body. Bullets come in all sorts of shapes and sizes and can be used with your partner or on your own. We recommend that you use it on your own first, because knowing your body and what feels good for you is essential to communicating your needs to your partner. Plus, hey, we all deserve some quality alone-time, right? (The Femme Funn Booster Bullet pictured here is available in Velvet Box stores.)

Vibrating C-Ring

As we mentioned before, over 80% of women achieve orgasm by clitoral stimulation alone. Unfortunately, the clitoris is on the outside of the body and doesn’t always get the attention it deserves during typical intercourse. Then some genius (probably a woman) strapped a vibrator to a penis, and the world was never the same. A vibrating c-ring provides hands-free clitoral stimulation during sex, suddenly making the missionary position a lot more fun. There are so many benefits to a vibrating c-ring. Firstly the ring itself acts as a tourniquet, locking blood into the penis for a firmer, harder, more engorged erection. Then the vibrator sends vibrations through the penis, which is very pleasurable for the wearer and the recipient. Lastly, the vibrator massages the clitoris during sex, giving the clitoris all the attention it deserves. Remember to keep the vibe in contact with the clitoris, so think more grinding, less humping and pumping.

Sex Games

If you want to start exploring the vast and exciting world of sexual pleasure, but you don’t know where to start, then try picking up a sex game. These games are designed to help you spice up your sex life. If you don’t know what to do, start at the literal square one of a board game. Or roll the dice; we promise someone will get lucky, and we are willing to bet it’s both of you. Sex games are also great conversation starters; not only should you talk about trying whatever the card told you to beforehand, we recommend that you talk about the experience after the fact, too. Aftercare is an essential and often overlooked part of healthy sex. Be honest and talk about it. Michael Jordan wasn’t born the best basketball player in the world; it took practice. So think of this as practice: huddle and discuss the next play, and maybe even make time for two-a-days.

BDSM

BDSM gets a bad rep even though more than 40% of couples have experimented with some form of it at some point in their lives. Some people may think BDSM is about control or pain, and although that can exist, it’s mostly about exploring the limits of pleasure. Try something easy, like a blindfold and some velcro restraints, and think about it as relaxing into the experience rather than fighting it. Restraints are meant to ground you, not to be fought against like a victim in a Taken movie. (Although, that sort of role play can be explored as well. You do you, boo.) Wouldn’t it be nice to relax and have your partner pleasure you? The most important parts of this kind of play are clearly communicating your wants and needs, creating limits and boundaries, and setting a safe word. Then honor those boundaries. Don’t break your partner’s trust because you think it’s funny, or you’ll risk losing access to an entire world of fetishes that you can explore together.

We-Vibe Chorus

We can’t talk about couples’ sex and not mention the number one couples toy in the world, the We-Vibe Chorus. Similar to the vibrating C-ring, the Chorus provides hands-free clitoral stimulation during sex. But, unlike the c-ring, the Chorus is worn by the woman, provides constant clitoral stimulation, and stimulates the g-spot while also gliding along the penis during intercourse. This toy does it all. It can be a panty vibe, a solo toy, and it is ideal for foreplay. It’s also submersible waterproof, remote-controlled, and it has an app! That’s right, it has a smartphone app that allows you to do all sorts of cool stuff, but most importantly, it allows you to play with your partner from anywhere in the world.

Silver Sex – Your Best Sex Is Still Ahead of You!

September 25, 2020 by Lauren Cockerell

Some people may say or think that sex is a young person’s game. But, with a little imagination (and maybe a visit to your friendly Velvet Box store), we say that senior sex, or “Silver Sex,” is something to look forward to! Yes, your body and your desire may change, but we’re here to help you embrace your changing sexuality.

A few tips to get you started:

Take an Online Class

A class?! Yes! We host online classes you can join anonymously from the privacy of your home 2-3 times per month for just $10 per class. (Check out our schedule here.) These are a great way to spark your curiosity, learn something new, and connect with your partner.

Communicate With Your Partner

You already know this, but open communication is critical to a great sex life, whether you’ve been together decades or weeks. If your needs and wants have changed (or you’ve never been able to express your desires), but you’re struggling to find the words, check our Communication Tools to help guide your conversation. To begin, we recommend:

Spice Up the Toy Box

Whether you want to shop online or come see one of our amazing, friendly, helpful sex-perts at one of our 5 DFW-area stores, here are a few lubricant and toy recommendations to help make your senior sex experience all the more pleasurable and comfortable.

Wicked Simply Hybrid

First things first – lube! Creamy hybrid lubricants like Wicked Simply Hybrid are great because they have the benefits of both water-based and silicone-based lubes and almost none of the disadvantages. Creamy hybrid lubes are long-lasting, usually tasteless, rarely sticky, and can double as a daily moisturizer for vaginal dryness as well as a fantastic personal lubricant for sex. Wicked Simply Hybrid has clean cosmetic grade packaging and an easy to use pump cap that disperses just the right amount of lube (but feel free to use as much as you need!). Hybrid lubes are safe for all toy materials.

We-Vibe Pivot

The Pivot is a vibrating c-ring, which is a couple’s toy that the male wears around the base of the penis. The ring itself is made of durable medical-grade silicone, which will restrict blood flow to the penis, which helps create a firmer erection. Then the vibrator on the top provides hands-free clitoral stimulation during sex and also sends waves of vibration through the penis. Ultimately, it is an external vibrator that can be used anywhere on the body, so use your imagination! One cool trick is to wrap the ring around your fingers with the Pivot in the palm of your hand so that you can use your vibrating fingers to stimulate your partner. Can you say “magic fingers”?!

Optimum Series – Automatic Smart Pump

This auto pump is actually multiple toys in one package. First, it’s a penis pump. The user inserts their penis into the canister and presses it firmly against the pelvis creating an airtight seal. Then the automatic pump will suck all the air out of the toy and simultaneously pull more blood into the penis, helping to create a firm erection. Once the user has achieved the firmness of the erection desired, they can remove the pump and put on a C-ring to lock the blood in place.

Secondly, this toy comes with a soft masturbation sleeve. For this purpose, the user can apply lube to the penis and the toy and follow the same steps, only this time, they can stroke the penis and received simulated oral sex. This product is great for penis-owners who may have erectile dysfunction. Not only does the pump help achieve an erection, but even if you are not able to achieve full mast, you can still experience tremendous pleasure from the suction and textured sleeve.

Femme Fun Ultra Wand

The ultra wand is an ideal senior sex toy: it’s lightweight, quiet, powerful, and discrete. The toy itself is actually a small body massager, so if your kids find it, you can just claim to have a sore neck. The entire toy is coated in medical-grade silicone that helps with gripping the toy, so if you have any dexterity issues, this toy is right for you. Not to mention the powerful vibrating head is ideal for providing external, clitoral stimulation, even if you have lost some sensitivity in that area. (Our Femme Fun products are available only in Velvet Box stores.)

Womanizer Premium

The Womanizer Premium uses air pleasure technology to provide clitoral stimulation as you have never experienced before. Simply place the open face of the tip of the toy directly over the clitoris and create an airtight seal against the skin, turn it on and hang on for the ride. Not that it’s a long ride… the Womanizer Premium can give a woman a very intense clitoral orgasm in a matter of minutes. Some women even experience such powerful orgasms that they even experience female ejaculation. How’s that for spicing things up?

Thigh Strap-on Harness and attachment

The thigh strap-on is an excellent alternative for someone unable to participate in typical penetrative sex. Not only does the thigh strap allow you to experience many sexual positions, but it also allows you to have access to your genitals, unlike other hollow strap-ons. With the thigh strap-on, you can still experience sexual stimulation while your partner gets to experience more typical penetrative sex.

Remember that your mind is your largest sex organ, and you can receive pleasure just from knowing that you are providing pleasure to your partner.

Think outside the box of typical senior sex and dive into the endless wonders of toys while you build intimacy and pleasure for the best sex of your life!