Ask Beth: When I give my boyfriend oral, he doesn’t ejaculate. Am I doing something wrong?

Hi, I’m Beth Boatman and I am a professional human sexuality educator and consultant dedicated to enlightening adults about all things related to sexuality.

My interest in sexuality started as a curious child who asked my parents LOTS of questions. Fortunately, my parents were excellent at providing me with both honest and age-appropriate information. While searching for my life goals in my early college years, I found my calling at Widener University, which houses the only fully accredited doctoral program in human sexuality in the country.

I am a lifelong resident of the Dallas-Fort Worth, Texas area and have provided individuals with sexuality education on topics ranging from sexually transmitted infection prevention to female ejaculation.

When I’m not teaching about sexuality I’m doing yoga, window-shopping at fancy grocery stores, spending time with people I love, and experimenting in the kitchen with new recipes.

Connect with me on Facebook, Twitter, or online.

Q: When I give me boyfriend a blow job he doesn’t ejaculate. Am I doing something wrong?

A: It would seem that every guy is the same and with some firm up and down strokes any man would orgasm, but this is just way too simple of an answer. Every man is different, and needs different types of stimulation to have an orgasm. The best thing you can do is communicate with your partner about what type of sensations feel good to him and make him ejaculate. Because nobody knows how to make your partner cum like he does. For example, some men love licks to the head of their penis and some men don’t like it at all. You must communicate with him. However, overall there are a few tips and tricks to help you and your partner enjoy oral sex.

**Please use necessary protection as blow jobs can spread STDs (even if he doesn’t ejaculate)**

Tips and Tricks

  • Use your hand as an extension of your mouth. With your mouth around his penis (no teeth!) grasp the shaft with one of your hands.  You can use the other hand to gently fondle his testicles. As you slide your mouth up and down his penis, use your hand as an extension of your mouth and slide your hand up and down his penis with your mouth. Your mouth and hand should be doing the same rhythm and same up and down motion. Try not to separate your firmly grasped hand from your mouth. Use your hand to provide a firmer grasp on his penis. You could also use a male masturbator to help you grip and slide while giving head.
  • Use plenty of lube or saliva. Things should be very slippery and wet on his penis. You should easily be able to slide your hand up and down the shaft of his penis. You can even use flavored lubes so things will be nice and tasty.
  • Tease but then get down to business. Tease his entire body and focus on his package with tongue twists, hand strokes, and ball fondling. When he starts getting really hard and hot for you, put your mouth around his penis, grab the shaft with one hand, and firmly pump up and down in a rhythmic manner. Don’t stop to tease anymore once you have begun to do this. He needs constant and consistent stimulation in order to orgasm.
  • Love it and show off! This is about empowering you to please yourself by being the best at what you do. Be enthusiastic and show it! Love giving him a blow job and you will quickly become an oral sex master. Show him you can take control and give him a great view of your body by putting your booty in the air. Look up at him with that sexy look in your eyes and lick him up.

There are also many books that are dedicated to this very topic. Tickle His Pickle is a good book for learning how to give your guy the ultimate blow job. Also, know that not every man can orgasm from receiving a blow job. Some people just need harder and firmer stimulation than a mouth and hand can provide.