Ask Beth: How do I delicately broach the subject of anal play with my wife?


Hi, I’m Beth Boatman and I am a professional human sexuality educator and consultant dedicated to enlightening adults about all things related to sexuality.

My interest in sexuality started as a curious child who asked my parents LOTS of questions. Fortunately, my parents were excellent at providing me with both honest and age-appropriate information. While searching for my life goals in my early college years, I found my calling at Widener University, which houses the only fully accredited doctoral program in human sexuality in the country.

I am a lifelong resident of the Dallas-Fort Worth, Texas area and have provided individuals with sexuality education on topics ranging from sexually transmitted infection prevention to female ejaculation.

When I’m not teaching about sexuality I’m doing yoga, window-shopping at fancy grocery stores, spending time with people I love, and experimenting in the kitchen with new recipes.

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Q: How do I delicately broach the subject of anal play with my wife?

A: Talking about anal play with your significant other can seem tricky, but it’s all about in the way you bring it up. 

Here is some helpful hint to get you started:

  • Let her know that you want to take some time and experiment with her.
  • Promise her that you will go slow and listen carefully to her needs and wants.
  • Explain that your not looking to engage in deep anal sex, but you would like to play around to see if other things in and around the anus feel good to her. (It’s highly possible that it will)
  • You can even attend a class. Learning more about anal play with you will mostly likely greatly enhance her comfort level.
  • Purchase a beginners anal toy and anal lube.

Also, its important that you play when both of you are sober (maybe like one glass of wine but that’s it). Being intoxicated numbs the body and this can be really bad during anal sex. If something hurts you need to know. Otherwise, you could really do some damage.

By the way, the reason she jumps if you accidentally “prod the outside of it during a mid-sex slip-up” is because the anus needs to be massaged and rubbed first in order to be penetrated (even with a pinky finger). An accidental “slip-up” makes even anal sex pros jump.