Let’s be honest, sarcastic friends are the best type of friends. Where would our lives be without their snarky comebacks and witty banter? Trying to find cards and gifts that accurately portray their level of biting wit can be a challenge. With card isles chock full of lovey dovey script and some mild puns, where does one turn? To us of course. Our new lines of cards and gifts are so perfectly quippy that you will find yourself saying, “OMG, that’s so insert name of sarcastic friend here.”. No matter if the brand of sarcasm, we have you covered.
1. From Asshole to Sasshole Just Add Coffee
Depending on the type of friend, they either get less assy and more sassy with the addition of caffeine.
2. Let Get De-Motivated Up In Here!
Sometimes at work, you just need to show on the outside what you’re thinking on the inside, without actually saying it, because that’s how you get fired. These new pen sets can do just that.
3. Glitter It All Better Card
Getting married? Having a baby? Another birthday? Just because? We have all those cards that say all the things you need them to say.
4. Realistic Love Balloons
Everyone loves balloons. Well, not everyone, but whatever, you get my point. Balloons are a great way to make a big visual gesture without breaking the bank. And we have some for occasion!
5. Smells Like A Waste Of Time Soap
Handmade soaps are the perfect gift for that friend who just enjoys a good long bath or shower, to wash away the day’s bullsh*t. Why not add a little something they can relate to. These soaps smell so good and their scent names tell the whole ass truth.
6. This Is Love! Or Not. I Don’t Know. Candle
Why is it that good smelling candles have to be named something like, Whispering Lavender Angel Kisses In A Dream Garden? With our new line of candles from Whiskey River, we have solved this issue, with good smelling candles that say how you really feel. Give your friend the sarcastic gifts the deserve to celebrate their new house, new beau, new dog, or just because it’s Tuesday.
7. Oh Saaaammmee! Tote Bags
Quality tote bags that hold all my junk AND have hilariously accurate text on them? *Pulls out wallet, shoves all cash at creator of these bags.* “TAKE ALL MY MONEY!”
8. Don’t Get Burned (Or Stabbed) Oven Mitts
This is the perfect addition to your kitchen. Pro-Tip you can also use it to cover up the bottle of wine you use to put up with your kids. Get equally threatening tea towels and aprons.
9. When Your Sh*t Don’t Stink… Anymore
Be a pal and keep one in your bag and in your bathroom. You’re friend’s should be able to poop at your house without fear of ridicule. This way they can leave it smelling better than when they walked in.
10. Stylish With A Bit Of Attitude
When you come in to Velvet Box and he buys you whatever you want, he is a pretty decent boyfriend. We all have that friend who loves some snazzy socks. that friend who has a huge collection of bitchy fun socks. That friend who has more than one drawer of these socks. In my friend group, it’s me, I am that friend.
11. Totally Legal Stash Pouch
To keep your change in *wink*. No, but these pouches are perfect for a charger, bobby pins, 7-8 lipsticks, condoms, small vibrator and a bottle of lube, you know the essentials.
There are so many more of these sarcastic gifts coming to all 5 of our locations! We have something for the chef, the nerd, the drinker, the thinker, the note taker, the party planner and your friends too. So, come in to one of our shops and pick yourself up the perfect “that’s so me” gift. Also, check out our SexEdU to give them the gift of even hotter mind blowing sexy fun time.